Jessica Stanley was in her element.
Seated in the Four Seasons Grand Ballroom at a table overlooking Elliot Bay, she was surrounded by her best girlfriends and their suited-up dates, with a not-so-virgin cocktail in one hand and the arm of a drop-dead gorgeous guy in the other.
This was the life.
She smiled at her date and gave his forearm a squeeze. “Thanks for the vodka and cranberry,” she said. “It certainly wouldn’t have been the same with just the cranberry.” She raised her glass, then grimaced at the ugly neon-orange bracelet that dangled from her wrist. The paper eyesore marking her as a minor was more than a minor irritant to her. Not only did she have to beg her date to get real drinks for her, the bracelet was tacky and clashed horribly with her dress.
“It’s called a Cape Cod. And you’re welcome,” he replied in a low, velveteen voice. Very seductive, that tone. He lifted his gin and tonic in a matching toast and said, “I could get arrested for buying you drinks, you know.”
“That’s what you’re afraid of getting arrested for?” she retorted in amusement. “I would think that’s the least of your worries.”
His smirk faded. He looked like he was about to speak, but then pressed his lips together as if he thought better of it.
That’s right - hold your tongue, Edward Cullen, she thought, with a smirk of her own. You know which legality you should really worry about.
She appraised him for a moment, wondering if she would sleep with him at the end of the night. She must concede that Bella Swan had good taste. Ridiculously handsome, well-mannered, glibly charming - the man sitting next to her would be difficult to resist, especially after a few more vodkas. But when she thought about all the places his gabardine-concealed dick had been, a slight shudder went down her spine. Not to mention, she wasn’t about to settle for Bella’s sloppy seconds.
She still couldn’t believe that the mousy girl she’d known in high school actually had the balls to hire a male prostitute. She’d assumed Bella’s drunken admission at the dorm party last month had merely been a joke, or a substance-induced hallucination. Bella tried to play it off as such at her birthday celebration last week. But as soon as Jessica heard Mike and Riley talking about the “Edward” who’d showed up in a suit that Friday night to walk Bella’s drunk ass home, she knew it was no joke, and no coincidence. How many young guys by the old-fashioned name of Edward were walking around the city? It had to be the same guy Bella claimed had taken her V-card.
She grimaced at the thought of paying a stranger to be her first, even though she could see the logic in it. A professional would undoubtedly know what he was doing, unlike the moronic frat boy she’d given it up to last year. And Edward Cullen certainly had a dreamy, Prince-Charming allure. But it was sad - no, pathetic - that Bella had bought the fantasy literally as well as figuratively. It was one thing to hire some gigolo for sex, but quite another to go around telling people he was her boyfriend. She knew that was the line Bella was feeding to Mike in order to put him off. He deserved better than that. He’d always deserved better than oblivious Bella, who never seemed to appreciate what she had. Apparently normal, good-hearted guys like Mike and Jacob Black weren’t enough for her. She had to go trolling the internet for stud service instead. Mike deserved to know the unvarnished truth about her.
And tonight, if luck was on her side, Jessica would deliver it to him in spades.
She gave a sly smile to the good-luck charm sitting next to her. He gave her a careful smile in return. His wary expression made her wonder if he could somehow sense her plans for him this evening. Maybe Bella was one of his regular customers, and he’d told her what he was doing tonight. That would definitely put a monkey wrench in the works. But Jessica had a hard time believing that was the case. She doubted he discussed his clientele with one another. He’d have to be a complete idiot to do that. And regardless of whatever else he was, she could see that Edward Cullen was no dummy.
“So, have you come up with a cover story yet?” she asked him. During the ride to the hotel, Edward had inquired if she had any preferences for who she’d like him to pretend to be this evening. She didn’t. He could claim he was an astronaut or a deep-sea diver for all she cared. By the end of the evening, the choice would be moot.
“I’m a professional pianist,” he announced.
“Professional penis?” she exclaimed, a split-second before she realized what he’d actually said.
He gave her a patronizing look. “Pi-an-ist,” he repeated, enunciating each syllable. “I’m a musician. A piano-player for a jazz group that plays in the area.”
“Oh, right. Cool,” she said with a shrug. “That’ll work. Very classy.”
“I’m glad you approve,” he said with a curt smile.
Jessica’s eyes strayed to the front of the ballroom, where a band was setting up. The musicians were dressed like 1950s Rat Packers to fit the retro theme of All-Greek Cocktail.
“Too bad your profession is lie - there’s a baby grand piano up there,” she noted. “You could impress the hell out of everyone if you actually played.”
“Is that what you’re after this evening? Impressing everyone?”
She was sure she detected a condescending tone in his voice, though his face was the picture of congeniality.
“Why else would I hire you for a big bash like this? I wanted to make an impact. And I’m pretty sure you’ll do exactly that.”
His eyes hardened with a quick flash of distaste, or maybe distrust. But his affable grin was immovable.
“Maybe I can slip a quick concerto in between sets from the band if you think that will annoy your ex-boyfriend, or whoever it is you’re looking to make jealous. Assuming, of course, that you have a specific target in mind for this big impression you want to make.”
Jessica should have known she wouldn’t get much past this guy. He’d obviously been around the block a time or three. She put one elbow on the table and leaned toward him, debating. It was so tempting to spill the beans. But that would spoil all the fun. Patience, she reminded herself. Once Mike and Bella showed up, this whole web of deception would unravel all on its own.
All she had to do was sit back and wait for the precise moment to pull the thread.
“You assume correctly,” she said, giving Edward a coy smile. “I do have a specific target in mind. But you don’t need to worry about that. You just be your charming self and leave the rest up to me. But in the meantime, could you get me another drink? These martini glasses don’t hold much.” She waved the empty vessel before setting it back on the table.
He definitely looked a bit suspicious now, his perma-grin crumbling on one side. But he gave her a conciliatory nod, got up from the table and headed back to the bar. She took the opportunity to scour the ballroom for Mike’s telltale spiky blond hair or Bella’s pallid complexion in the throng. There were so many people here, they could be anywhere. To complicate matters, the Sycamore room across the foyer was rented for this shindig as well. It was decorated in a casino theme with card games being held at every table. Knowing Mike, he easily could be sidetracked with a round of poker and take his sweet time coming to the main ballroom.
She sighed and turned back to the table, reaching for the platter of crudités for something to munch on. The sorority sister to her right leaned in, heavily-lined eyes round with curiosity.
“Where the hell did you find that gorgeous guy sitting next to you?” she demanded. “He is hot and a half. I know I haven’t seen him walking around campus.”
“You wouldn’t. He’s not a student - he’s a little older. He’s a professional,” Jessica said, trying not to snigger.
“Professional what?” the girl pressed. She eyed Edward up and down as he walked back toward their table.
“You really don’t want to know,” Jessica replied, not bothering to hold back a snort this time. “Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough.”
Edward glanced at Jessica’s smug countenance, then the baffled one of her friend, as he approached the table with two more drinks. The girls quickly parted and leaned back in their chairs, giving him matching grins of faux innocence.
“Should my ears be burning?” he wondered aloud, handing his date her second cranberry martini before sitting down.
“My friend here was just admiring your good looks and wondering what you did for a living,” Jessica explained, nodding to the blonde on her right. The girl’s cheeks turned scarlet.
“Ah. Thank you,” he said to the blonde. And then to Jessica, “What did you tell her?”
“I hadn’t gotten to that part yet. I was just about to tell her you’re a professional . . .” she paused, enjoying the resulting alarm that flitted through Edward’s eyes before she continued. “. . . pi-an-ist. If we’re lucky, you’ll wow us all later with your chops at the baby grand up there.”
He gave her the same plastic half-grin he’d worn all evening. “I’ll do my best not to disappoint you.”
Jessica grinned back, but her eyes were cutting. “I’m counting on it, Edward.”
.
.
“Wow.”
That was all Bella said as she and Mike strolled down the modern but elegant foyer on the second floor of the Four Seasons hotel. Her fingers tightened around his elbow, sending a little surge of excitement through him. He glanced over at her face, watching her big, brown eyes take in the splendor. They hadn’t even reached the ballroom yet, and she was already impressed.
“Nice, isn’t it?” he commented. “Have you ever been here before?”
“No. It’s pretty amazing.”
“This is my first time here, too. I guess the party is in a couple of rooms - the Sycamore, up here on the right, and the ballroom on the left.”
Bella nodded, peering to her right as they neared the entrance. The room had been turned into a makeshift casino, complete with a blackjack, roulette and poker tables. Dressed-up college kids milled around the room, gambling and ordering drinks from the bar at the back.
“Nice,” Mike enthused, pausing at the door next to Bella. “Reminds me of our prom, but a hell of a lot swankier.”
“No kidding,” she agreed with a laugh.
“Want to check it out?” he asked.
“Sure.” She looked agreeable enough, so he escorted her in. He searched the room for one of his fraternity brothers, hoping to find someone of age to get them real drinks. The matching orange bracelets he and Bella wore guaranteed an evening of kiddie cocktails if he didn’t find someone to hook them up with the good stuff.
“See anyone you know?” she asked.
“Not yet. But I know a couple of Delt brothers who rented rooms upstairs so we can have a beer or something to take the edge off.”
Bella shrugged. “I don’t have to drink this evening,” she said. “But if you want to, that’s fine. I can drive us back to the dorms later.”
“You don’t need to do that,” he protested. “I can get us a cab or we can crash in one of the rooms. I want you to have a good time, too.”
She looked slightly offended. “I don’t need to drink to have a good time.”
“Oh, I know. I wasn’t suggesting you did.” He bit his tongue as he ambled along side her toward the bar. She dropped his elbow and crossed her arms instead.
Shit. Why did he always screw things up? He didn’t want her to think he was trying to get her drunk. But the truth was, he did hope she’d have a couple of drinks so she’d loosen up and enjoy herself. He knew she wasn’t as naturally social as he was, but he also knew she could have a lot of fun if she’d only let herself - if she’d just forget to be so shy and self-conscious. A little liquor might accomplish that and put her at ease.
He took a deep breath as they approached the bar. “Virgin cocktails it is. Any preferences?” he queried.
“No, not really. I don’t really know drinks that well. Surprise me.”
“Okay.” He thought for a few seconds, then asked the bartender for suggestions. Moments later he walked away with two matching amber-colored drinks and handed one to Bella.
“Here you go - the alcohol-free version of a Surfer on Acid. I have no idea what they use instead of Jägermeister,” he said with a laugh.
“Surfer on Acid?” Bella giggled and raised her glass. “Cool. I’ll drink to that.”
Mike took a swig of the pineapple concoction and sorely wished for the missing rum and Jäger to cut the sweetness.
“How about a game?” he suggested. “Maybe some roulette?”
She readily agreed, and they headed to the gaming tables. When their turn came at the roulette wheel, Mike asked Bella to pick her lucky number.
She paused for a moment, and then quietly said, “Twenty-four.”
He thought he detected a certain softness, even tenderness, in her voice. He wondered what the hell that number signified to her. He wondered even more when the spinning marble miraculously plopped right into the twenty-four slot and Bella’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. She grinned and fingered her charm bracelet, staring at it like it was some kind of oracle.
“Well, that was some nice beginner’s luck,” Mike commented. “Too bad we’re only playing for chips instead of money.”
“That’s okay,” said, still grinning. “Money isn’t everything.”
“True, that. I’d trade it for your company any day.”
Bella rolled her eyes slightly and laughed. “Sure you would.”
“I would!” he insisted. He took her arm again, and she didn’t pull away. “How about we check out the ballroom?” he suggested, steering her toward the foyer.
She gamely followed him across the wide hallway to the entrance of the huge room, slowing as they neared the spectacle. The lushly carpeted space was lined with round linen-covered tables and chairs, lit by faux candles and adorned with fresh-cut flowers and platters of hors d’oeuvres. Taller, standing-room-only tables filled the center, with a large area carved out for dancing. A retro-style band was in full swing near the entryway, cranking out classics their grandparents had danced to interspersed with more modern songs the college kids would recognize. The eclectic mix had managed to jam the dance floor with grooving bodies. The scenic backdrop to the entire soirée was comprised of glass walls overlooking the moonlit waters of Puget Sound and Elliot Bay in the distance.
Mike felt Bella’s fingers grip his arm once more. Her eyes were wide as she spoke. “There are so many people here.”
“Well, there are almost four-thousand U-Dub students in the Greek system,” he reminded her, closing his fingers protectively over hers. “If only half of them showed up tonight, the place would still be packed. That’s why they rented two rooms, and tons of hotel rooms besides. It’s a huge bash. Kind of the event of the season. That’s why I didn’t want to miss it. Or you, either.”
She gave him a nod and a tiny smile, but she still looked uneasy.
“You want to dance?” he asked, thinking that blending into the crowd on the dance floor might be to her liking.
Instead, she looked even more panicked. “I’m not much of a dancer, remember?”
“Oh, yeah. That’s right,” he conceded. “I thought maybe you’d changed attitude about that. You never know.”
“No, I still have two left feet, for the most part,” she claimed, though he didn’t believe her. He really did want to get a glass of wine into her so she’d relax. Maybe he should have borrowed some of Riley’s stash so they could get lit before they came inside.
He scanned the room and gratefully spotted a few of his Delt brothers holding down a table on one side of the dance floor. He pointed them out to Bella, and she looked relieved to have a place to sit. As luck would have it, a few chairs were empty, their occupants currently on the dance floor. Mike pulled out a seat for Bella and introduced her to his buddies and their dates. They all sat and talked for a bit, commenting on the party and confirming which rooms they’d reserved upstairs for later, after the ballroom closed down.
Mike watched Bella closely. He was pleased to see her unwind a little and participate in the conversation. She seemed like she was enjoying herself well enough. He hoped so. He wanted to show her a good time, especially if that boyfriend of hers couldn’t. Maybe she would get tired of Suit Guy’s occupation keeping him busy on the weekends; maybe she would turn to Mike again to pass the time. And then maybe, just maybe, eventually she’d turn to him for more than that.
The band’s first set ended to sound of clapping and cheering. Soon the room was filled with the buzz of conversation and laughter instead, growing louder as more drinks were consumed. Mike leaned over to talk to the older frat brother on his left, enlisting his help in procuring some grown-up cocktails. The brother readily agreed to buy the drinks; Mike just needed to tag along and help carry them back to the table. He excused himself from Bella and followed his buddy to the bar at the back of the ballroom.
The line was long during the interim between music sets. Mike shifted his weight from one foot to the other, impatient to get back to Bella. He hoped she was doing all right, and that some of the girls at the table would talk to her. He hated to think of her sitting alone, feeling like a misfit. He never could understand why she always saw herself that way. She was smart, pretty and kind-hearted. Sure, she was shy and kind of clumsy, but in a cute way. Her awkwardness only endeared her to him. He longed to bring her out of her shell and give her some of his confidence; to make her see that she wasn’t the square peg she made herself out to be.
He sighed in frustration as the line shuffled along. Piano music began to waft back to him over the crowd. Shit, was the band starting up again already? How long had he been back at the bar, anyway?
His Delt brother finally gave his order to the bartender and paid the bill. Mike shoved his telltale orange bracelet under his suit jacket sleeve and picked up the drinks for him and Bella, thanking his buddy before hurrying back to the table. When he arrived, she was nowhere to be found. He looked around frantically for her blue dress and long, dark hair, trying to calm himself. She probably just went to the ladies room. He turned to one of his friends’ dates for information.
“Have you seen Bella?” he questioned her.
She pointed toward the dance floor. “I think she’s watching that guy playing the piano.”
Mike turned his head toward the front of the room, then began walking in that direction. Sure enough, there she was, standing at the edge of a small crowd that had gathered not far from the platform where the band’s instruments were set up. He could see her rigid posture as he approached, her back ramrod straight as she stood eerily still.
His eyes shifted to the baby grand that sat next to the platform. A man was seated there, playing an intricate, haunting melody - just the type of music to make chicks swoon, he thought with a grimace. He couldn’t see the man’s face clearly, as he was seated in profile, his back to their side of the room. But he soon recognized the girl in the hot-pink dress standing next to the piano. She was leaning on the instrument with a possessive assurance that earmarked her as the piano-player’s date.
He stared at her a moment, then chuckled to himself. Jessica Stanley did say she’d be bringing a guy who would “blow everyone out of the water.” Judging by the group of girls - Bella included - swarming the piano, she hadn’t been wrong.
When the impromptu concert came to an end, everyone applauded and hooted in appreciation.
“Edward Cullen, ladies and gentlemen!” Jessica exclaimed, clapping in loud exaggeration. Mike’s mouth dropped open in shock at her proclamation. His head whipped back to scrutinize the pianist. Sure enough, it was Suit Guy.
Bella’s Suit Guy.
Mike gaped at Jessica in horror as understanding dawned. She stared back at him, eyes wild with triumphant delight. Then she trained her sights on Bella, and her expression grew positively evil.
Mike watched helplessly, still holding a drink in each hand, as Jessica strode over to the piano bench, grabbed Suit Guy by the face and gave him a huge, wet kiss.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Chapter 43
What an ass.
Bella’s mental assessment didn’t refer to the naked backside before her, but rather to the entire being to which it was attached. She couldn’t see the face of Jackass James and he couldn’t see hers. She didn’t have to try to ignore his leering gaze or inappropriate erection, if he was sporting one today. She was even happier that she didn’t have to draw them. The muscles of his back, hamstrings and glutes were much easier to recreate on paper without the distraction of his penetrating eyes, or other parts.
But, truth be told, he did have kind of a nice ass. She’d give him that. Only that.
As always, she ignored him during his post-class stroll to check out everyone’s interpretations of his naked form. Surprisingly, he ignored her, too. He merely nodded and raised an eyebrow at her when he passed her easel. But somehow his wordless look was just as lurid as his come-ons.
Her shudder of distaste was interrupted by the professor’s voice as he strode to the middle of the room to make an announcement.
“After reviewing your work last week, I’ve graded each of you and made a few comments on your progress so far. I’m an old man so I’ve done it the old-fashioned way.” He waved a stack of papers in explanation as the students gathered their drawing pads and pencils. “You may pick them up on your way out. Those of you who have earned A’s or A-minuses will have an opportunity to participate in a student exhibition in the Jacob Lawrence Gallery next month. If you have qualified, you’ll find another sheet attached to your grades, outlining how you may prepare and submit your work for consideration. If you have any further questions, see me.”
Bella’s heart picked up its pace a little. She hurried to get her supplies together so she could see her grades. Had she made the cut? Having her sketches displayed in the U-Dub Art School gallery would be an honor she’d never even considered before. But she was suddenly very excited at the prospect.
She hastily stored her supplies in the cubicles at the back of the room, then joined the queue to receive her grades. When the professor handed her two sheets of paper stapled together, she was so excited she barely heard him say, “Good job, Ms. Swan.” She beamed at the letter “A” at the top of the page, then skimmed over the comments about her skilled used of shading and the improvement she’d shown in the freedom and fluidity of her lines. The second sheet contained instructions for matting and displaying submissions for the exhibition. She was allowed to enter up to five sketches, but only two examples of each student’s work would be chosen.
She was so busy poring over the guidelines that she nearly ran into someone as she made her way out the door.
“Sorry,” she blurted before looking up.
“No apologies necessary,” came the smooth, innocuous voice of Jackass James. “You’re welcome to bump into me any time. Especially if you’re going to look that elated about it.”
“What?” she said weakly, only half paying attention. When she got the gist of his arrogant comment, her expression soured. “I made the cut,” she said, waving her grade sheet in explanation. “I get to submit my work for the student exhibit.”
“That’s great,” he replied, again sounding remarkably sincere. “I don’t know why you look so surprised, though. You’re easily one of the best artists in the class. Definitely better than anyone in the Monday-Wednesday group.”
“You model for that class, too?” She wanted to clap her hand over her mouth. Why was she engaging him in conversation? She began walking down the hall, hoping he wouldn’t follow. But now that she’d asked him a question, he fell in place beside her.
“Yeah. I model for all the morning Life Drawing classes. I have for a few years now. I find it very . . . freeing. Clears my head. Makes me keep my body in shape, too,” he added with a laugh.
“Hmm,” she mumbled noncommittally, trying not to make a face.
“The money doesn’t hurt, either,” he went on. “Although I don’t need it like I used to. Business is picking up for me lately,” he said with a grin.
Bella didn’t take the bait this time. She wasn’t interested in his line of work outside of being a nude model. Knowing him, he probably moonlighted as a male stripper.
“But enough about me,” he continued, unfazed. “Have you decided what to submit for the show? I’d be happy to help you pick out the best of your sketches. I know what the professors are looking for when they critique student art. I’ve certainly heard plenty of their comments over the years.”
Bella glanced up at him, trying to read behind his amiable expression. His offer appeared, and sounded, completely innocent. So why did she get the feeling it wasn’t?
“Thanks, but I think I’ll manage,” she said brusquely. She turned a corner and headed down the stairs, hoping to lose him, but he was right at her heels.
“Fair enough,” he said, zooming past her down the steps. He beat her to the double doors exiting the building and held one open for her. “Ladies first.”
She ignored his broad grin, giving him only a curt smile and a mumbled “Thanks” as she swept past him into the damp Seattle air.
“Are you busy right now? Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” he offered.
Geez. The guy was relentless. “No, thanks. I have another class to get to,” she lied. She actually had an hour or two to kill before meeting Alice for lunch, so she planned to go to the library to study. She certainly didn’t want him tagging along.
“May I walk you?” he asked, undeterred.
Seriously? She scrambled for another excuse. “I need to make a phone call, actually.” She shrugged out of her backpack, unzipped it and began fishing around for her phone.
James finally took the hint. “All right, then. See you next week.”
She tried not to sigh aloud in relief as he continued down the sidewalk without her. But then he turned suddenly and called, “Bella!”
She reluctantly looked up. He was still walking, but backwards now, facing her.
“Use the sketch you did today - the one of my ass. It’s one of your best.”
She returned his shit-eating grin with something resembling a sneer. He chuckled, looking quite pleased with her reaction. Then he waved, turned and sauntered away.
“Asshole,” she muttered to herself, pulling out her phone. She threw her backpack over her shoulder and speed-dialed Edward as she slowly walked in the direction of the library. As soon as she heard his voice, her acrimony toward James was forgotten. Excitement took over and she began talking a mile a minute, telling him about her inclusion in the student art show next month. When she finally stopped to take a breath, she heard him chuckling.
“That’s awesome news, Bella. But I don’t know why you’re so surprised. You’re incredibly talented.”
“That’s what James said,” she muttered. “I guess you can’t both be wrong.”
“Who’s James? Your professor?”
“Oh, no. He’s just the art model.”
“The same guy from before? Is he bothering you again?”
Bella hesitated. The guy had been nothing but polite lately. Well, until that last little remark before he left.
“No, not really,” she said casually, not wanting Edward to worry. “He keeps trying to make small talk after class but I try to ignore him.”
“Shit, Bella. Is there someone else in class you can walk with when you leave? I don’t want this asshole following you anywhere.”
She wondered if it was wrong to feel a tiny thrill at his over-protectiveness. “Relax. He isn’t following me. Just now I told him I was busy, and he left. No big deal.”
“What do you mean, you told him you were busy? Did he ask you out?”
“Just for a cup of coffee. I said no. He left me alone. End of story.”
She was met with silence for a few pregnant seconds.
“Fine,” Edward said, sounding defeated or frustrated, she wasn’t sure which. “Just promise me you’ll be careful. You said the guy hit on you the first day he saw you, and it sounds like he hasn’t given up.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m spoken for. I’ve seen the guy naked, and I’m not even tempted. What else do you want?” she joked.
He didn’t laugh. “I want you to be careful, like I said. Keep your dad’s pepper spray handy.”
“Oh my God,” she exclaimed. “I really think you’re overreacting. But you’ll be happy to know I have the pepper spray right here, in my backpack.”
“Good,” he said. Bella could picture the rigid line of his lips and the tiny crease between his brows as he said it.
“So, how’s Emily today?” she asked, hoping this would be a happier subject.
“Not so good,” he said quietly. “She thinks I’m her husband today. She keeps asking me to check on the baby, and then pats her belly and asks me what we should name our second child. I’m tempted to suggest ‘Elizabeth,’ just to see if that will trigger something. But I don’t want to set her off again. So I’m just going along with the charade for now. I’m hoping maybe she’ll be better this afternoon.”
“I’m sorry,” Bella said, her steps slowing as she heard the bad news. “I was hoping you’d have a better time than last week.”
“It’s okay. I’m pretty much used to her living in the past. Last week I got to see the best and worst of her. Usually her condition doesn’t go to both extremes in one day. I think that was harder to take than a day like today.”
“That’s good, I guess,” Bella conceded. “But still, it has to be hard when she doesn’t remember you at all, and imagines you’re someone else.”
He sighed. “It isn’t easy,” he admitted. “I’m starting to worry that her talk with me last week was her good-bye. Like she somehow knew she was slipping away, more and more, and she made an effort to say what she needed to say to me before it was too late.”
She heard the break in his voice at the end, and it broke her own heart a little bit.
“Hey, I have an idea. Alice is meeting me at the burger place again at noon. If you need a break, why don’t you join us? You can get away for a while, and maybe when you go back to see Emily, she’ll be a little better.”
“That’s tempting. We’ll see. If I don’t make it, though, you two have fun without me.”
“I’m sure we will. But it’ll be more fun if you’re there.”
He let out a rueful laugh. “I’m glad you think so. But I’m not sure I’m very good company today.”
“That’s okay. You’re always good company to me, no matter what mood you’re in.”
“I think you might be a little biased.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Good point,” he acknowledged. “I’m actually pretty grateful for your bias.”
“That goes both ways.” Bella paused as she neared her destination. “Well, I’ve arrived at the library. I think that’s my cue to get some reading done for my Greek lit class.”
“Okay. If I don’t see you at lunch, I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay. Love you,” she added softly as she entered the quiet building.
“I love you, too.”
Edward’s whispered words echoed in Bella’s ears while she looked for a secluded spot to sit. She wandered up to the second floor and found an empty cubicle, then settled in to read her next assignment. When she pulled out the book, the title nearly made her break the silence around her with a loud guffaw.
She managed to stifle her laughter but was still smiling as she turned to page one of The Golden Ass.
.
.
.
“So you went from one ass to another. Classic,” Alice said with a grin. She dipped a steak fry into some ketchup and popped it in her mouth while Bella snorted at her remark. “Let’s just hope it’s not the theme for your entire day.”
“Right? This does not bode well for my shift at the bookstore tonight. Six hours,” she said with a groan. “Although the money comes in handy, that’s for sure.”
“I hear you. Sometimes I’m dead on my feet by the end of a weekend shift at Mama Gianna’s. But last summer’s tips paid for all my textbooks this semester, and a lot of times Sophia lets me eat for free, so. . .” Alice shrugged and washed down her fries with a gulp of soda. “Edward pays for all the essentials - utilities, property taxes, even part of my tuition. Not to mention all the nursing home fees for Em. The least I can do is pay for my own meals, clothes, and gas for the car. I’m looking into possible scholarships and increasing my student loan amount, too. I know I’ll need them when he quits escorting.”
Alice sounded remarkably matter-of-fact about her impending debt, as well as Edward’s plans.
“So, you think he’ll really do it soon?” she asked.
“What - quit hooking?”
Bella winced at her friend’s bluntness. “Yeah. I think I’m afraid to count on it really happening.”
“Well, don’t be,” Alice said. She pressed her lips together for a moment, willing herself not to spoil Edward’s surprise. “It’s only a matter of time before he’s out for good,” she finally said. “I know it. If one thing doesn’t work, another will.”
Bella nodded in relief. “You’re right. I’ve told him the same thing myself. I can’t believe a talent like his won’t get him a decent-paying job somewhere. I think he can make it work if he really wants to.”
“Absolutely,” Alice agreed emphatically, grabbing another fry. “And if we have to hire some financial wizard to help us figure out how to pay the bills, so be it. Edward can’t keep paying with his soul, you know? I’m so glad you came along when you did. You finally made him see the light before it was too late.”
Bella gave her a wan smile and took another bite of her Reuben sandwich. She certainly never imagined she could be anyone’s savior. But the beatific look Alice gave her said otherwise.
The girls were silent for a minute. Bella concentrated on her lunch, while Alice concentrated on her. Bella looked up to find the girl’s doe eyes piercing her through.
“I keep wondering about something, though,” Alice said. She swirled a French fry idly in her ketchup, not looking at Bella as she spoke. “What was in it for you? I mean, why did you hire my cousin in the first place?” She looked up apologetically. “I know it’s none of my business. But I don’t get it. It just doesn’t seem like you. Hiring an escort doesn’t seem like something you would do.”
Bella felt the faint flush of embarrassment spread over her face. “I think that’s why I did it. To prove something to myself, and to the guy who was trying to pressure me into sex when I thought he was my friend.” She cringed slightly, not wanting to relate the entire tale. “At least that’s what I thought when I made the appointment. But it was more about me, trying to figure out who I was. Who I wanted to be. Or who I thought I wanted to be, anyway.”
She let out a wry laugh at the confused look on Alice’s face. “I’m not sure I can explain it in a way that makes sense. I’m not sure it does make any sense.” She paused, the realization hitting her at the same time the words came. “I had this crazy idea that sex was the key to finally growing up. Getting past being an awkward teenager who never felt like I fit in anywhere. I thought I’d be transformed somehow, and emerge all confident and secure in myself, like a butterfly from a cocoon.”
Her laugh was genuine when she realized how ridiculous that sounded. “I was different afterward, but not in the way I thought I would be, and not because of the sex. It was because of what made the sex so good -- the connection between me and Edward. I never expected that. I never expected to find someone who really saw me, and wouldn’t let me hide behind my own self-consciousness. Someone who could break through my defenses and let me break through his.”
She paused, her eyes far away as she remembered. “It’s like we had no control over what was happening between us. Like it was this force that was stronger than we were. That’s what had been missing for me, that kept me from giving in to the guys before him. That feeling you can’t explain, because it just is. Or isn’t. He was the first. The only.”
Bella halted, startled that she had rambled on that way. Alice’s eyes were round with wonder, her half-eaten burger still in her hand, frozen inches from her mouth.
“That’s beautiful,” she said, her voice hushed. “That’s what I have with Jasper. I think.” She scowled and put down her sandwich. “No, I know. I know that’s what we have. We just need to express it fully. We still haven’t . . . done that. But I want to. I’ve been kind of nervous about it; I don’t know why. But I want whatever it is that you two have. That connection. I want to take it all the way, you know?”
Bella nodded. She did know. “Well, you’re lucky,” she said encouragingly. “You figured out the love part before the sex, instead of doing it backwards like Edward and I did. It should be amazing for you and Jasper.”
“I hope so. Was it for you? The first time?” Alice asked anxiously. “Spare me the details, though. This is my cousin we’re talking about here.”
Bella chuckled. “The first time was . . . indescribable. I’m not gonna lie - it hurt, the first couple of times. But I didn’t regret it. Not for a minute. Edward made that impossible.”
Alice nodded, her eyes dancing. “I know it will be incredible with Jasper, even if it’s not. If that makes sense.”
“It makes perfect sense,” Bella commiserated between munching French fries. “Just be safe. Edward would have a coronary if you turned up pregnant or something.”
“So would I!” Alice exclaimed. “I’m eighteen. Babies are not in my future, for another five years at least. Probably more.” She shuddered slightly.
“Mine either. Edward always has condoms, but I just went on the pill, too.”
“Jasper’s always packing the birth control, too,” Alice said with a laugh. “I think all guys do. Hope springs eternal. Their next lay might be around the corner.”
Bella’s chuckle was hollow. She never dreamed she’d fall in love with a man who actually got paid for what most guys were begging to give away for free. She glanced at the restaurant door in vain once more. Edward was obviously going to be a no-show.
“Are you expecting someone?” asked observant Alice.
“Well, I was hoping Edward might meet us for lunch. I talked to him earlier and he sounded kind of down. I suggested he take a break and meet us, but. . .”
Alice grimaced. “I know I should have gone with him to see Em again today, but I just couldn’t do it, Bella. I don’t know who that woman was last week. She never would have laid a hand on either of us. To see her attack Edward like that. . . I can’t take any more of that.”
“I understand. I know he does, too. He probably doesn’t want you to go through that again, anyway.”
“I know, and yet he puts himself through it, hoping he’ll get a glimpse of the woman she once was. He’s braver than I am.” Her words were heavy with shame.
“Maybe you could take Jasper with you some time,” Bella suggested. “I know he’d be there for you if you asked him.”
“I know he would, too. But I hate to burden him with that. And I’m afraid of upsetting Em. Or having her mistake him for her husband,” she added with a bitter laugh.
“No, that’s Edward’s role. For today, anyway,” Bella told her.
“Oh, God.” Alice’s eyes closed and her face went ashen. “If I didn’t have a test this afternoon, I swear I’d go over there right now. He must be in hell.”
“I know. I have class and then work, too. I just hope he’ll call me. He said he would.”
“I’ll call him after my test and see how he’s doing,” Alice promised.
Bella nodded and pushed her plate away. The last few bites of her sandwich had lost their appeal.
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The glow of Bella’s phone was no match for the brightly lit quad. One quick look told her that her only message was from Mike, no doubt checking once again to make sure she’d be ready at 7:30 p.m. on Saturday for the Greek cocktail party.
She didn’t bother to read it right now. She sighed and dropped the phone in her backpack as she trudged across the grass toward her dorm. Edward still hadn’t called, and neither had Alice. She fished for her keys as she neared the side door, the one closest to her single room at the end of the hall. She climbed the stairs to the third floor, her steps growing heavier with each flight. She was tired.
She unlocked the door to her wing and pushed it open with a weary shove of one shoulder. When she stepped forward, she nearly tripped over two outstretched legs across her path.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she exclaimed, stepping back before she kicked the stranger in the shins. Only this was no stranger. She recognized his long legs before her eyes darted to his beautiful, haunted face.
“Edward,” she exclaimed.
“Hey,” he said softly, gathering his legs under him to stand up. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“You didn’t,” she assured him as she looked up into his anxious eyes. “Are you okay?”
He nodded, though he didn’t really look okay. “I just needed to see you.”
She hurried to unlock the door to her room, then turned curious eyes back to his. “How did you get in?” The doors to each wing of the co-ed dorm were always locked.
“One of the girls on your hall let me in. Melissa, I think? She said you all watched movies together last Friday.”
“Oh, yeah,” Bella said. “She’s nice. I’m surprised she let you in, though.”
She threw her keys on the nearby desk, and her backpack on the chair. She could sense Edward right behind her before she felt his breath on her neck.
“I told her I was your boyfriend and that you were expecting me.”
His arms reached out to pull her close; she leaned back and let him envelop her.
“If you had called me, that would have been true.” She stroked his forearms and let her head fall against his chest. “But I don’t mind these kinds of surprises.”
He swayed with her, rocking her gently in his arms. It was a consoling gesture, but she had the feeling he was the one who needed comfort. He said nothing. He simply breathed heavily into her hair, his face pressed against the side of her head.
“You smell so good,” he sighed at last. She felt his arms tighten.
“Today was bad, wasn’t it?” she guessed in a quiet tone.
She thought she felt him nod into her hair.
“Did she know you at all?”
Edward took a deep breath and grasped her shoulders, turning her to face him. His hands immediately cradled her face; his eyes searched hers in quiet desperation.
“You know me,” he whispered.
She nodded, her eyes pooling with instant tears at his need.
“I know you.”
His lips were on hers then, seeking that knowledge, that confirmation. She gave it freely. The feeling she had tried to describe to Alice earlier overcame her, filling her to overflowing, carrying her away on its surging tide, in Edward’s arms.
He lifted her as if she weighed nothing and laid her in the narrow bed she’d left unmade this morning. He wordlessly undressed her, hungry eyes devouring every inch of her skin as he revealed it. He made speedy work of his own clothes and quickly covered her nakedness with his own.
The heat of his body seared her, branding her in ownership, melting her into part of him. And then he was a part of her, moving inside her, pushing deep, begging for acceptance. She met him eagerly, opening up, allowing his full penetration. Not of just her body, but her heart. Her soul.
They fused together with grunts and groans, the air around them filled with the quiet passion of rustling sheets, panting lungs and stroking skin. Each thrust was accompanied by Edward’s breath on her face, his escalating moans of ecstasy in her ears. It wasn’t long before he was close, and so was she. So close to that pinnacle of oneness that she nearly forgot reality. She wanted only to feel him come inside her, to fill her with that molten liquid that marked her as his, for all eternity.
“Edward, you have to pull out.”
Was that raspy voice hers? She wasn’t cognizant of forming the words, but there they were, puncturing the spell that bound them.
“What?” he grunted, eyes unfocused as his cock continued to drill her.
“I could get pregnant. I haven’t been on the pill long enough.”
His eyes were wild as he stared down at her. Then they squeezed shut, he pulled out and erupted, groaning as he covered her belly in streams of milky semen.
“Fuck. I’m sorry,” he began between heavy breaths. But she stopped him by pressing her fingers to his lips.
“Don’t. You know how I feel about those kinds of apologies.”
“But you didn’t come. I need you to,” he said, his voice plaintive. “I need you.”
She felt his fingers slide between her legs, revisiting the wet place he’d just left. She had no wish to argue with him. She simply gave in, sighing with pleasure as he pushed them inside, filling her and massaging her with just the right intensity to make her breath come fast and her hips dance in ecstasy. He supported himself on one forearm as he lay next to her, staring relentlessly at her face while he worked her into a frenzy with his other hand. She could feel him studying each wave of pleasure that contorted her features and wracked her body. And when she grabbed his neck with a cry, yanking his thick hair between her fingers at her moment of release, he merely smiled.
“That’s my girl,” he whispered, gently massaging the almost painfully sensitive flesh between her thighs as the shockwaves of her orgasm subsided. “My sweet girl.”
He smoothed her hair away from her damp brow and placed a single lingering kiss on her lips. Then he briefly left the bed in search of a towel to clean her up. His expression was sober as he wiped the damp fabric over her stomach.
“I can’t believe I was that careless,” he muttered.
“Don’t make a big deal out of this,” she begged. “Technically the pill should be working by now, but to be on the safe side, we should wait a month. That’s what the doctor told me.”
Edward let out a soft snort. “Is that the same quack who gave you the dildos and no condoms?”
“The same,” she said with a wry smile.
“Well, I actually agree with her this time. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.” He paused and gave her a meaningful look. “Thanks for saving me.”
“Us,” she corrected him softly. But she knew what he meant.
He left her again to wash out the towel in the sink. Her eyes lingered over his naked body, savoring his broad shoulders, tapering waist and muscular thighs. She was still amazed that this sexy creature was hers. She smiled at the perfectly round, white flesh of his buttocks. Now that was an ass she could fully appreciate.
“What are you smiling at?” he asked with a cocky grin of his own, glancing at her in the mirror as he hung up the towel to dry.
“I am smiling at your gorgeous ass. Now get it back in this bed immediately.”
He laughed as he sauntered back to her, his eyes crinkling up in the first sign of contentment she’d seen today.
“Scoot over. This bed wasn’t built for two.”
She dutifully made room for him, not caring that the bed’s confines necessitated that they curl up in one another’s arms.
“You aren’t leaving, are you?” she asked, watching him try in vain to stretch out in the cramped space. His feet pushed the covers down and hung over the end of the mattress.
“No. Unless you want me to,” he said, shooting her a worried glance.
“No way. I haven’t seen you since last Sunday, and I won’t see you again until this Sunday. I’m savoring every minute.” She buried her nose in his neck, inhaling his scent with a satisfied sigh. His chest shook with a silent chuckle as he pulled her close.
“I’ve missed you, too.”
They lay in silence, listening to each other’s breathing. Bella felt herself growing drowsy, lulled by the warmth of his skin and the rhythm of his chest rising and falling beneath her hand. She was reminded of the time he’d pushed her on the swings in the park, letting her fly back and forth, back and forth.
“We should go to the diner for breakfast tomorrow,” she suggested with a yawn. “I’ll let you push me on the swings again.”
“You’ll let me?” he said, repeating their dialogue from that day. She didn’t have to open her eyes. She could hear the smile in his voice. “I consider it a privilege.”
“You have to let me push you this time, too. That’s my only stipulation.”
“Push away.” He sounded more serious now. “I look forward to it.”
They were quiet once more. Bella was lulled once more by his hand softly stroking her head, but she resisted sleep. She didn’t want to waste her time with Edward by being unconscious.
“What did you do after you left the nursing home today?” she asked cautiously.
He stiffened slightly, but his fingers continued to comb through her hair. “I went for a run. Spent some time outdoors.”
“Did you go to Discovery Park again?”
She felt him nod. “Yeah. It was kind of drizzling outside, but it felt good. Cleared my head a little.”
She began stroking his chest in time with his hand in her hair. “Did you go to Charlotte’s and practice?”
“No. I gave the poor woman a break. I’m sure her ears are bleeding by now. And Alistair won’t be there again until tomorrow afternoon, so. . .” His shoulder shrugged beneath her.
“So, he’s really helped you, then?” She recalled the excitement in his voice when he’d called her Monday night to tell her about the retired pianist Charlotte had enlisted to give Edward some pointers. He hadn’t sounded that enthused since the night of her birthday, when he got to play in the blues club.
“I was surprised at how much I’ve gotten out of having a trained ear critique me. It’s been so long since I had that kind of feedback and constructive criticism. I’d forgotten how much I need it. I need someone to kind of get me out of my own head.”
“You? Stuck in your head? Get out,” Bella teased gently, raising up on one elbow to find his eyes in the darkness. They twinkled back at her in the dim light seeping around her dorm windows.
“Yeah. Imagine that,” he agreed with a laugh. “The guy has been a godsend, really. I don’t know how I can ever repay Charlotte.”
“But he’s doing this for free, right? Isn’t that what you told me? Because he was a friend of her husband.”
“Yeah. But I still feel like I owe them so much. I don’t know how to repay that kind of debt.”
“You don’t,” Bella told him. “Not in concrete terms. You repay them by putting their generosity to good use. By fulfilling the potential they see in you. And then someday you might be able to offer your own experience to help someone else. You know, pay it forward, down the line.”
He reached up and cradled her face in his hand for a moment, his thumb stroking her chin. “What would I do without you?”
She moved her hand to his jaw, mimicking his caress. “Let’s hope we never have to find out.”
He craned his neck up, pulling her to him in a string of reverent kisses. They settled into the pillows beneath them, limbs entwined, breath mingling into one, and let sleep take them.
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.
.
The blue dress taunted her from its hanger in the closet.
I dare you to wear me.
She had no choice but to take the dare. The truth was, she had no other dress to wear to the cocktail party tonight. She wasn’t about to spend a lot of money on a brand new dress for an event she didn’t even feel like going to. Her afternoon hunt through the racks of several thrift stores had yielded nothing appropriate that fit her. By the time she’d fully realized her dilemma, it was too late to cancel her date, unless she wanted to be as big an asshole as Jackass James. And now Mike would be here in approximately twenty minutes.
Maybe she could fake illness. A migraine. Flu. The wave of nausea that hit her every time she thought of putting on the blue dress was close enough, right?
Why had she thought she could do it? Why had it not occurred to her that this silly blue dress had taken on sacred connotations as it hung in her closet for the past five weeks? It wasn’t just some dress she’d managed to snag from an end-of-season sale rack at Macy’s anymore.
It was the Deflowering Dress.
Everything about it screamed “Edward” to her. Just looking at it flooded her with memories. The way he’d moved the strap aside to cover her shoulder with kisses. The feel of his hands pulling up the silky skirt so he could caress her flesh beneath. The cool air against her skin when he unzipped the dress and pulled it over her head, freeing her in more ways than she ever dreamed were possible.
This was his dress.
But he was with someone else tonight. Another nameless, faceless girl about whom she would never know, because they never discussed his job anymore. He spared her that much. And she spared him the details of her time spent with other guys, as innocuous as they were. There was nothing to tell. And now that Edward was refusing sex to his clients, there was nothing else she needed to know, either, except that he loved her.
Her. Not the dress.
It was an inanimate thing, scraps of blue silk sewn together in a faraway land. It was inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. It couldn’t touch what was important, what was real, between her and Edward.
Steeling herself, she marched over to the closet and grabbed the dress off the hanger. She stepped into it, yanked it over her hips, pushed her arms through the straps and reached back to zip it up. There. Done. That wasn’t so hard.
The shoebox containing her platform heels lay at the bottom of the closet. She grabbed it and dumped the pumps unceremoniously on the floor, then shoved her right foot into the proper shoe. Her ankle wobbled slightly while her left toe maneuvered the other shoe into place. She took a few steps in them, getting her bearings; then reached for the silver jewelry she’d laid out on the edge of her dresser. She would not wear her grandmother’s earrings tonight. They would stay safely ensconced in the beautiful miniature jewelry box Edward had given her.
His birthday gift to her was a different story. She wore the charm bracelet every day, regardless of her attire. Tonight would be no different.
She took a deep breath and headed for the full-length mirror. Her hair was curled, her make-up was done. Nothing too outrageous, but presentable. She wanted to look nice. Not for Mike, really, but for herself. She was about to be surrounded by the types of girls who’d always intimidated her before. But Edward thought she was beautiful, and that was all that mattered.
She stared into the mirror now, trying to see what he saw. Wondering what was his first impression of her, wearing this dress, stepping over the threshold of that hotel room. She saw the same pale, dark-eyed waif she’d always seen, though perhaps she was more womanly now. She did seem to fill out the dress well enough, its slinky fabric enhancing her subtle curves. She grabbed her make-up bag and added a touch more lip color and blush, to liven up her ivory complexion. Then she hastily threw the cosmetics back in the bag before she crossed the line into clown territory.
A knock at the door made her jump unnecessarily, and she was surprised when a small wave of panic barreled through her. She suddenly felt naked in this relatively bare, body-skimming dress. Edward’s dress. She could not shake the notion no matter how she tried.
“Hey Bells, you ready?” came Mike’s affable voice through the door. It did little to soothe her.
“Yeah, just a minute,” she called. She sped to the closet as quickly as her pumps allowed, rifling through the hangers until she came to a cream-colored sweater crocheted in a lacy, open weave. Yes, that would help.
She pulled on the sweater and glanced back in the mirror. Skin and dress were still visible through the yarn, but she felt less exposed. She grabbed the little satin bag she’d found at the thrift store earlier and answered the door.
“Wow,” Mike blurted. His eyes bulged in their sockets as they looked her up and down. Apparently Edward wasn’t the only one who found her beautiful.
“You look amazing, Bella,” he said. The sincerity in his voice already made her feel bad, like she was leading him on, when she hadn’t even said a word to him yet.
“Thanks. So do you,” she replied automatically before glancing at his gray suit and pink silk tie.
“Takes a real man to wear pink,” he said with joking bravado, following her gaze.
“Indeed,” she agreed with a laugh. “I’m just sorry I don’t match.”
“That would be incredibly prom-like, wouldn’t it?” he noted, cringing slightly.
“Don’t remind me.”
“Hey, it wasn’t so bad. I have some fond memories of our prom,” he said, and his tone told her he meant it. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to take any trips down memory lane with him right now. Or ever.
He must have seen the sentiment in her eyes, because he quickly shifted gears. “But that was then, this is now. Upward and onward. You ready to have some fun?”
He raised the crook of his arm and gave her his most disarming smile. She couldn’t help but smile back. She wrapped her fingers loosely around his elbow and said, “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
.
.
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Edward sighed, rang the doorbell of the Gamma Phi Beta house and waited. He hated sorority houses. He knew exactly what sort of scene he would be subjected to when one of the girls finally opened the door. He would find a gaggle of females preening in the living room, each more made-up and surgically enhanced than the last, waiting for their respective dates to arrive and escort them to the ball.
Or cocktail party, in this case.
He idly wondered what his date tonight looked like. It didn’t really matter. Big or small, short or tall, he would smile and find ways to make her feel special without flat-out lying to her. He still maintained his policy of honesty with his clients whenever possible. But the charade was getting harder every day, when every paid interaction with another female felt like a betrayal to Bella.
The heavy wooden door of the sorority finally opened. A heavily spray-tanned blonde in a lemon-colored dress greeted him with a wide smile and even wider eyes.
“Oh. My. God. You must be Edward Cullen,” she exclaimed.
His eyes narrowed slightly. He wondered what she meant. But he quickly affixed a gracious smile to his face and said, “You’re right. I must be. And you are. . . ?”
“Tiffany,” she replied, gaping at him for a couple more seconds. “Wow. She was not kidding,” she added under her breath as she stepped back and opened the door wider. “Come in,” she welcomed him, more loudly. “I’ll go get your date and tell her you’re here.”
“Thank you,” he said, stepping inside the door. He watched as Tiffany raced up the nearby staircase to the second floor. He stayed on the landing, preferring to steer clear of the group of girls gawking at him from the living room. He smiled politely, raised an eyebrow and waved; they stared, giggled and waved back.
He ignored their continued scrutiny and turned his attention back to the staircase, waiting. His eyes were soon affronted with a flash of hot pink satin and sequins as a bedroom door opened at the top of the stairs. He tried not to cringe as it became clear that the gaudily-attired girl gliding down the stairs was his date for the evening.
He searched for her face above the blinding fabric, but it was hard to get past the twin peaks of her breasts, pushed up by the bodice of her dress into an impressive mountain of flesh. He glossed over the ample cleavage and focused on her smile instead. It was impossible to miss, because her lips were painted the exact shade of hot pink as her outfit. Then the lips moved, speaking his name.
“Edward Cullen. You have no idea how happy I am to finally meet you.” She halted a few steps above him and grinned.
“The pleasure is all mine,” came his knee-jerk response, though her greeting had smacked of insincerity. His eyes found hers, seeking an explanation. Their gaze reminded him of Rosalie’s - icy blue, shrewd and calculating.
Her hand shot out then, diverting his attention. Did she really want a handshake? Or just some help getting down the rest of the stairs?
“Jessica Stanley,” she introduced herself. “But you can call me Jess, if you like.”
“What do you like?” he countered, taking her hand.
“I think I like you,” she said with a large, disingenuous smile. “Tonight’s going to be a blast, Edward. I can feel it. Or do prefer Ed?”
“I prefer Edward, Jessica,” he replied smoothly.
She let out a raucous laugh at that. “Oh, I definitely like you, Edward.” She grasped his hand to steady herself as she stepped down to the landing. “This is going to be a night to remember,” she declared. She laughed again for no apparent reason and headed for the door, pulling him along after her.
He grimaced as he followed her out of the house. He hoped this college cocktail party had a few drinks for the grown-ups. He had the feeling that by the end of this night, he’d be looking for a way to forget.
Bella’s mental assessment didn’t refer to the naked backside before her, but rather to the entire being to which it was attached. She couldn’t see the face of Jackass James and he couldn’t see hers. She didn’t have to try to ignore his leering gaze or inappropriate erection, if he was sporting one today. She was even happier that she didn’t have to draw them. The muscles of his back, hamstrings and glutes were much easier to recreate on paper without the distraction of his penetrating eyes, or other parts.
But, truth be told, he did have kind of a nice ass. She’d give him that. Only that.
As always, she ignored him during his post-class stroll to check out everyone’s interpretations of his naked form. Surprisingly, he ignored her, too. He merely nodded and raised an eyebrow at her when he passed her easel. But somehow his wordless look was just as lurid as his come-ons.
Her shudder of distaste was interrupted by the professor’s voice as he strode to the middle of the room to make an announcement.
“After reviewing your work last week, I’ve graded each of you and made a few comments on your progress so far. I’m an old man so I’ve done it the old-fashioned way.” He waved a stack of papers in explanation as the students gathered their drawing pads and pencils. “You may pick them up on your way out. Those of you who have earned A’s or A-minuses will have an opportunity to participate in a student exhibition in the Jacob Lawrence Gallery next month. If you have qualified, you’ll find another sheet attached to your grades, outlining how you may prepare and submit your work for consideration. If you have any further questions, see me.”
Bella’s heart picked up its pace a little. She hurried to get her supplies together so she could see her grades. Had she made the cut? Having her sketches displayed in the U-Dub Art School gallery would be an honor she’d never even considered before. But she was suddenly very excited at the prospect.
She hastily stored her supplies in the cubicles at the back of the room, then joined the queue to receive her grades. When the professor handed her two sheets of paper stapled together, she was so excited she barely heard him say, “Good job, Ms. Swan.” She beamed at the letter “A” at the top of the page, then skimmed over the comments about her skilled used of shading and the improvement she’d shown in the freedom and fluidity of her lines. The second sheet contained instructions for matting and displaying submissions for the exhibition. She was allowed to enter up to five sketches, but only two examples of each student’s work would be chosen.
She was so busy poring over the guidelines that she nearly ran into someone as she made her way out the door.
“Sorry,” she blurted before looking up.
“No apologies necessary,” came the smooth, innocuous voice of Jackass James. “You’re welcome to bump into me any time. Especially if you’re going to look that elated about it.”
“What?” she said weakly, only half paying attention. When she got the gist of his arrogant comment, her expression soured. “I made the cut,” she said, waving her grade sheet in explanation. “I get to submit my work for the student exhibit.”
“That’s great,” he replied, again sounding remarkably sincere. “I don’t know why you look so surprised, though. You’re easily one of the best artists in the class. Definitely better than anyone in the Monday-Wednesday group.”
“You model for that class, too?” She wanted to clap her hand over her mouth. Why was she engaging him in conversation? She began walking down the hall, hoping he wouldn’t follow. But now that she’d asked him a question, he fell in place beside her.
“Yeah. I model for all the morning Life Drawing classes. I have for a few years now. I find it very . . . freeing. Clears my head. Makes me keep my body in shape, too,” he added with a laugh.
“Hmm,” she mumbled noncommittally, trying not to make a face.
“The money doesn’t hurt, either,” he went on. “Although I don’t need it like I used to. Business is picking up for me lately,” he said with a grin.
Bella didn’t take the bait this time. She wasn’t interested in his line of work outside of being a nude model. Knowing him, he probably moonlighted as a male stripper.
“But enough about me,” he continued, unfazed. “Have you decided what to submit for the show? I’d be happy to help you pick out the best of your sketches. I know what the professors are looking for when they critique student art. I’ve certainly heard plenty of their comments over the years.”
Bella glanced up at him, trying to read behind his amiable expression. His offer appeared, and sounded, completely innocent. So why did she get the feeling it wasn’t?
“Thanks, but I think I’ll manage,” she said brusquely. She turned a corner and headed down the stairs, hoping to lose him, but he was right at her heels.
“Fair enough,” he said, zooming past her down the steps. He beat her to the double doors exiting the building and held one open for her. “Ladies first.”
She ignored his broad grin, giving him only a curt smile and a mumbled “Thanks” as she swept past him into the damp Seattle air.
“Are you busy right now? Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” he offered.
Geez. The guy was relentless. “No, thanks. I have another class to get to,” she lied. She actually had an hour or two to kill before meeting Alice for lunch, so she planned to go to the library to study. She certainly didn’t want him tagging along.
“May I walk you?” he asked, undeterred.
Seriously? She scrambled for another excuse. “I need to make a phone call, actually.” She shrugged out of her backpack, unzipped it and began fishing around for her phone.
James finally took the hint. “All right, then. See you next week.”
She tried not to sigh aloud in relief as he continued down the sidewalk without her. But then he turned suddenly and called, “Bella!”
She reluctantly looked up. He was still walking, but backwards now, facing her.
“Use the sketch you did today - the one of my ass. It’s one of your best.”
She returned his shit-eating grin with something resembling a sneer. He chuckled, looking quite pleased with her reaction. Then he waved, turned and sauntered away.
“Asshole,” she muttered to herself, pulling out her phone. She threw her backpack over her shoulder and speed-dialed Edward as she slowly walked in the direction of the library. As soon as she heard his voice, her acrimony toward James was forgotten. Excitement took over and she began talking a mile a minute, telling him about her inclusion in the student art show next month. When she finally stopped to take a breath, she heard him chuckling.
“That’s awesome news, Bella. But I don’t know why you’re so surprised. You’re incredibly talented.”
“That’s what James said,” she muttered. “I guess you can’t both be wrong.”
“Who’s James? Your professor?”
“Oh, no. He’s just the art model.”
“The same guy from before? Is he bothering you again?”
Bella hesitated. The guy had been nothing but polite lately. Well, until that last little remark before he left.
“No, not really,” she said casually, not wanting Edward to worry. “He keeps trying to make small talk after class but I try to ignore him.”
“Shit, Bella. Is there someone else in class you can walk with when you leave? I don’t want this asshole following you anywhere.”
She wondered if it was wrong to feel a tiny thrill at his over-protectiveness. “Relax. He isn’t following me. Just now I told him I was busy, and he left. No big deal.”
“What do you mean, you told him you were busy? Did he ask you out?”
“Just for a cup of coffee. I said no. He left me alone. End of story.”
She was met with silence for a few pregnant seconds.
“Fine,” Edward said, sounding defeated or frustrated, she wasn’t sure which. “Just promise me you’ll be careful. You said the guy hit on you the first day he saw you, and it sounds like he hasn’t given up.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m spoken for. I’ve seen the guy naked, and I’m not even tempted. What else do you want?” she joked.
He didn’t laugh. “I want you to be careful, like I said. Keep your dad’s pepper spray handy.”
“Oh my God,” she exclaimed. “I really think you’re overreacting. But you’ll be happy to know I have the pepper spray right here, in my backpack.”
“Good,” he said. Bella could picture the rigid line of his lips and the tiny crease between his brows as he said it.
“So, how’s Emily today?” she asked, hoping this would be a happier subject.
“Not so good,” he said quietly. “She thinks I’m her husband today. She keeps asking me to check on the baby, and then pats her belly and asks me what we should name our second child. I’m tempted to suggest ‘Elizabeth,’ just to see if that will trigger something. But I don’t want to set her off again. So I’m just going along with the charade for now. I’m hoping maybe she’ll be better this afternoon.”
“I’m sorry,” Bella said, her steps slowing as she heard the bad news. “I was hoping you’d have a better time than last week.”
“It’s okay. I’m pretty much used to her living in the past. Last week I got to see the best and worst of her. Usually her condition doesn’t go to both extremes in one day. I think that was harder to take than a day like today.”
“That’s good, I guess,” Bella conceded. “But still, it has to be hard when she doesn’t remember you at all, and imagines you’re someone else.”
He sighed. “It isn’t easy,” he admitted. “I’m starting to worry that her talk with me last week was her good-bye. Like she somehow knew she was slipping away, more and more, and she made an effort to say what she needed to say to me before it was too late.”
She heard the break in his voice at the end, and it broke her own heart a little bit.
“Hey, I have an idea. Alice is meeting me at the burger place again at noon. If you need a break, why don’t you join us? You can get away for a while, and maybe when you go back to see Emily, she’ll be a little better.”
“That’s tempting. We’ll see. If I don’t make it, though, you two have fun without me.”
“I’m sure we will. But it’ll be more fun if you’re there.”
He let out a rueful laugh. “I’m glad you think so. But I’m not sure I’m very good company today.”
“That’s okay. You’re always good company to me, no matter what mood you’re in.”
“I think you might be a little biased.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Good point,” he acknowledged. “I’m actually pretty grateful for your bias.”
“That goes both ways.” Bella paused as she neared her destination. “Well, I’ve arrived at the library. I think that’s my cue to get some reading done for my Greek lit class.”
“Okay. If I don’t see you at lunch, I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay. Love you,” she added softly as she entered the quiet building.
“I love you, too.”
Edward’s whispered words echoed in Bella’s ears while she looked for a secluded spot to sit. She wandered up to the second floor and found an empty cubicle, then settled in to read her next assignment. When she pulled out the book, the title nearly made her break the silence around her with a loud guffaw.
She managed to stifle her laughter but was still smiling as she turned to page one of The Golden Ass.
.
.
.
“So you went from one ass to another. Classic,” Alice said with a grin. She dipped a steak fry into some ketchup and popped it in her mouth while Bella snorted at her remark. “Let’s just hope it’s not the theme for your entire day.”
“Right? This does not bode well for my shift at the bookstore tonight. Six hours,” she said with a groan. “Although the money comes in handy, that’s for sure.”
“I hear you. Sometimes I’m dead on my feet by the end of a weekend shift at Mama Gianna’s. But last summer’s tips paid for all my textbooks this semester, and a lot of times Sophia lets me eat for free, so. . .” Alice shrugged and washed down her fries with a gulp of soda. “Edward pays for all the essentials - utilities, property taxes, even part of my tuition. Not to mention all the nursing home fees for Em. The least I can do is pay for my own meals, clothes, and gas for the car. I’m looking into possible scholarships and increasing my student loan amount, too. I know I’ll need them when he quits escorting.”
Alice sounded remarkably matter-of-fact about her impending debt, as well as Edward’s plans.
“So, you think he’ll really do it soon?” she asked.
“What - quit hooking?”
Bella winced at her friend’s bluntness. “Yeah. I think I’m afraid to count on it really happening.”
“Well, don’t be,” Alice said. She pressed her lips together for a moment, willing herself not to spoil Edward’s surprise. “It’s only a matter of time before he’s out for good,” she finally said. “I know it. If one thing doesn’t work, another will.”
Bella nodded in relief. “You’re right. I’ve told him the same thing myself. I can’t believe a talent like his won’t get him a decent-paying job somewhere. I think he can make it work if he really wants to.”
“Absolutely,” Alice agreed emphatically, grabbing another fry. “And if we have to hire some financial wizard to help us figure out how to pay the bills, so be it. Edward can’t keep paying with his soul, you know? I’m so glad you came along when you did. You finally made him see the light before it was too late.”
Bella gave her a wan smile and took another bite of her Reuben sandwich. She certainly never imagined she could be anyone’s savior. But the beatific look Alice gave her said otherwise.
The girls were silent for a minute. Bella concentrated on her lunch, while Alice concentrated on her. Bella looked up to find the girl’s doe eyes piercing her through.
“I keep wondering about something, though,” Alice said. She swirled a French fry idly in her ketchup, not looking at Bella as she spoke. “What was in it for you? I mean, why did you hire my cousin in the first place?” She looked up apologetically. “I know it’s none of my business. But I don’t get it. It just doesn’t seem like you. Hiring an escort doesn’t seem like something you would do.”
Bella felt the faint flush of embarrassment spread over her face. “I think that’s why I did it. To prove something to myself, and to the guy who was trying to pressure me into sex when I thought he was my friend.” She cringed slightly, not wanting to relate the entire tale. “At least that’s what I thought when I made the appointment. But it was more about me, trying to figure out who I was. Who I wanted to be. Or who I thought I wanted to be, anyway.”
She let out a wry laugh at the confused look on Alice’s face. “I’m not sure I can explain it in a way that makes sense. I’m not sure it does make any sense.” She paused, the realization hitting her at the same time the words came. “I had this crazy idea that sex was the key to finally growing up. Getting past being an awkward teenager who never felt like I fit in anywhere. I thought I’d be transformed somehow, and emerge all confident and secure in myself, like a butterfly from a cocoon.”
Her laugh was genuine when she realized how ridiculous that sounded. “I was different afterward, but not in the way I thought I would be, and not because of the sex. It was because of what made the sex so good -- the connection between me and Edward. I never expected that. I never expected to find someone who really saw me, and wouldn’t let me hide behind my own self-consciousness. Someone who could break through my defenses and let me break through his.”
She paused, her eyes far away as she remembered. “It’s like we had no control over what was happening between us. Like it was this force that was stronger than we were. That’s what had been missing for me, that kept me from giving in to the guys before him. That feeling you can’t explain, because it just is. Or isn’t. He was the first. The only.”
Bella halted, startled that she had rambled on that way. Alice’s eyes were round with wonder, her half-eaten burger still in her hand, frozen inches from her mouth.
“That’s beautiful,” she said, her voice hushed. “That’s what I have with Jasper. I think.” She scowled and put down her sandwich. “No, I know. I know that’s what we have. We just need to express it fully. We still haven’t . . . done that. But I want to. I’ve been kind of nervous about it; I don’t know why. But I want whatever it is that you two have. That connection. I want to take it all the way, you know?”
Bella nodded. She did know. “Well, you’re lucky,” she said encouragingly. “You figured out the love part before the sex, instead of doing it backwards like Edward and I did. It should be amazing for you and Jasper.”
“I hope so. Was it for you? The first time?” Alice asked anxiously. “Spare me the details, though. This is my cousin we’re talking about here.”
Bella chuckled. “The first time was . . . indescribable. I’m not gonna lie - it hurt, the first couple of times. But I didn’t regret it. Not for a minute. Edward made that impossible.”
Alice nodded, her eyes dancing. “I know it will be incredible with Jasper, even if it’s not. If that makes sense.”
“It makes perfect sense,” Bella commiserated between munching French fries. “Just be safe. Edward would have a coronary if you turned up pregnant or something.”
“So would I!” Alice exclaimed. “I’m eighteen. Babies are not in my future, for another five years at least. Probably more.” She shuddered slightly.
“Mine either. Edward always has condoms, but I just went on the pill, too.”
“Jasper’s always packing the birth control, too,” Alice said with a laugh. “I think all guys do. Hope springs eternal. Their next lay might be around the corner.”
Bella’s chuckle was hollow. She never dreamed she’d fall in love with a man who actually got paid for what most guys were begging to give away for free. She glanced at the restaurant door in vain once more. Edward was obviously going to be a no-show.
“Are you expecting someone?” asked observant Alice.
“Well, I was hoping Edward might meet us for lunch. I talked to him earlier and he sounded kind of down. I suggested he take a break and meet us, but. . .”
Alice grimaced. “I know I should have gone with him to see Em again today, but I just couldn’t do it, Bella. I don’t know who that woman was last week. She never would have laid a hand on either of us. To see her attack Edward like that. . . I can’t take any more of that.”
“I understand. I know he does, too. He probably doesn’t want you to go through that again, anyway.”
“I know, and yet he puts himself through it, hoping he’ll get a glimpse of the woman she once was. He’s braver than I am.” Her words were heavy with shame.
“Maybe you could take Jasper with you some time,” Bella suggested. “I know he’d be there for you if you asked him.”
“I know he would, too. But I hate to burden him with that. And I’m afraid of upsetting Em. Or having her mistake him for her husband,” she added with a bitter laugh.
“No, that’s Edward’s role. For today, anyway,” Bella told her.
“Oh, God.” Alice’s eyes closed and her face went ashen. “If I didn’t have a test this afternoon, I swear I’d go over there right now. He must be in hell.”
“I know. I have class and then work, too. I just hope he’ll call me. He said he would.”
“I’ll call him after my test and see how he’s doing,” Alice promised.
Bella nodded and pushed her plate away. The last few bites of her sandwich had lost their appeal.
.
.
.
The glow of Bella’s phone was no match for the brightly lit quad. One quick look told her that her only message was from Mike, no doubt checking once again to make sure she’d be ready at 7:30 p.m. on Saturday for the Greek cocktail party.
She didn’t bother to read it right now. She sighed and dropped the phone in her backpack as she trudged across the grass toward her dorm. Edward still hadn’t called, and neither had Alice. She fished for her keys as she neared the side door, the one closest to her single room at the end of the hall. She climbed the stairs to the third floor, her steps growing heavier with each flight. She was tired.
She unlocked the door to her wing and pushed it open with a weary shove of one shoulder. When she stepped forward, she nearly tripped over two outstretched legs across her path.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she exclaimed, stepping back before she kicked the stranger in the shins. Only this was no stranger. She recognized his long legs before her eyes darted to his beautiful, haunted face.
“Edward,” she exclaimed.
“Hey,” he said softly, gathering his legs under him to stand up. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“You didn’t,” she assured him as she looked up into his anxious eyes. “Are you okay?”
He nodded, though he didn’t really look okay. “I just needed to see you.”
She hurried to unlock the door to her room, then turned curious eyes back to his. “How did you get in?” The doors to each wing of the co-ed dorm were always locked.
“One of the girls on your hall let me in. Melissa, I think? She said you all watched movies together last Friday.”
“Oh, yeah,” Bella said. “She’s nice. I’m surprised she let you in, though.”
She threw her keys on the nearby desk, and her backpack on the chair. She could sense Edward right behind her before she felt his breath on her neck.
“I told her I was your boyfriend and that you were expecting me.”
His arms reached out to pull her close; she leaned back and let him envelop her.
“If you had called me, that would have been true.” She stroked his forearms and let her head fall against his chest. “But I don’t mind these kinds of surprises.”
He swayed with her, rocking her gently in his arms. It was a consoling gesture, but she had the feeling he was the one who needed comfort. He said nothing. He simply breathed heavily into her hair, his face pressed against the side of her head.
“You smell so good,” he sighed at last. She felt his arms tighten.
“Today was bad, wasn’t it?” she guessed in a quiet tone.
She thought she felt him nod into her hair.
“Did she know you at all?”
Edward took a deep breath and grasped her shoulders, turning her to face him. His hands immediately cradled her face; his eyes searched hers in quiet desperation.
“You know me,” he whispered.
She nodded, her eyes pooling with instant tears at his need.
“I know you.”
His lips were on hers then, seeking that knowledge, that confirmation. She gave it freely. The feeling she had tried to describe to Alice earlier overcame her, filling her to overflowing, carrying her away on its surging tide, in Edward’s arms.
He lifted her as if she weighed nothing and laid her in the narrow bed she’d left unmade this morning. He wordlessly undressed her, hungry eyes devouring every inch of her skin as he revealed it. He made speedy work of his own clothes and quickly covered her nakedness with his own.
The heat of his body seared her, branding her in ownership, melting her into part of him. And then he was a part of her, moving inside her, pushing deep, begging for acceptance. She met him eagerly, opening up, allowing his full penetration. Not of just her body, but her heart. Her soul.
They fused together with grunts and groans, the air around them filled with the quiet passion of rustling sheets, panting lungs and stroking skin. Each thrust was accompanied by Edward’s breath on her face, his escalating moans of ecstasy in her ears. It wasn’t long before he was close, and so was she. So close to that pinnacle of oneness that she nearly forgot reality. She wanted only to feel him come inside her, to fill her with that molten liquid that marked her as his, for all eternity.
“Edward, you have to pull out.”
Was that raspy voice hers? She wasn’t cognizant of forming the words, but there they were, puncturing the spell that bound them.
“What?” he grunted, eyes unfocused as his cock continued to drill her.
“I could get pregnant. I haven’t been on the pill long enough.”
His eyes were wild as he stared down at her. Then they squeezed shut, he pulled out and erupted, groaning as he covered her belly in streams of milky semen.
“Fuck. I’m sorry,” he began between heavy breaths. But she stopped him by pressing her fingers to his lips.
“Don’t. You know how I feel about those kinds of apologies.”
“But you didn’t come. I need you to,” he said, his voice plaintive. “I need you.”
She felt his fingers slide between her legs, revisiting the wet place he’d just left. She had no wish to argue with him. She simply gave in, sighing with pleasure as he pushed them inside, filling her and massaging her with just the right intensity to make her breath come fast and her hips dance in ecstasy. He supported himself on one forearm as he lay next to her, staring relentlessly at her face while he worked her into a frenzy with his other hand. She could feel him studying each wave of pleasure that contorted her features and wracked her body. And when she grabbed his neck with a cry, yanking his thick hair between her fingers at her moment of release, he merely smiled.
“That’s my girl,” he whispered, gently massaging the almost painfully sensitive flesh between her thighs as the shockwaves of her orgasm subsided. “My sweet girl.”
He smoothed her hair away from her damp brow and placed a single lingering kiss on her lips. Then he briefly left the bed in search of a towel to clean her up. His expression was sober as he wiped the damp fabric over her stomach.
“I can’t believe I was that careless,” he muttered.
“Don’t make a big deal out of this,” she begged. “Technically the pill should be working by now, but to be on the safe side, we should wait a month. That’s what the doctor told me.”
Edward let out a soft snort. “Is that the same quack who gave you the dildos and no condoms?”
“The same,” she said with a wry smile.
“Well, I actually agree with her this time. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.” He paused and gave her a meaningful look. “Thanks for saving me.”
“Us,” she corrected him softly. But she knew what he meant.
He left her again to wash out the towel in the sink. Her eyes lingered over his naked body, savoring his broad shoulders, tapering waist and muscular thighs. She was still amazed that this sexy creature was hers. She smiled at the perfectly round, white flesh of his buttocks. Now that was an ass she could fully appreciate.
“What are you smiling at?” he asked with a cocky grin of his own, glancing at her in the mirror as he hung up the towel to dry.
“I am smiling at your gorgeous ass. Now get it back in this bed immediately.”
He laughed as he sauntered back to her, his eyes crinkling up in the first sign of contentment she’d seen today.
“Scoot over. This bed wasn’t built for two.”
She dutifully made room for him, not caring that the bed’s confines necessitated that they curl up in one another’s arms.
“You aren’t leaving, are you?” she asked, watching him try in vain to stretch out in the cramped space. His feet pushed the covers down and hung over the end of the mattress.
“No. Unless you want me to,” he said, shooting her a worried glance.
“No way. I haven’t seen you since last Sunday, and I won’t see you again until this Sunday. I’m savoring every minute.” She buried her nose in his neck, inhaling his scent with a satisfied sigh. His chest shook with a silent chuckle as he pulled her close.
“I’ve missed you, too.”
They lay in silence, listening to each other’s breathing. Bella felt herself growing drowsy, lulled by the warmth of his skin and the rhythm of his chest rising and falling beneath her hand. She was reminded of the time he’d pushed her on the swings in the park, letting her fly back and forth, back and forth.
“We should go to the diner for breakfast tomorrow,” she suggested with a yawn. “I’ll let you push me on the swings again.”
“You’ll let me?” he said, repeating their dialogue from that day. She didn’t have to open her eyes. She could hear the smile in his voice. “I consider it a privilege.”
“You have to let me push you this time, too. That’s my only stipulation.”
“Push away.” He sounded more serious now. “I look forward to it.”
They were quiet once more. Bella was lulled once more by his hand softly stroking her head, but she resisted sleep. She didn’t want to waste her time with Edward by being unconscious.
“What did you do after you left the nursing home today?” she asked cautiously.
He stiffened slightly, but his fingers continued to comb through her hair. “I went for a run. Spent some time outdoors.”
“Did you go to Discovery Park again?”
She felt him nod. “Yeah. It was kind of drizzling outside, but it felt good. Cleared my head a little.”
She began stroking his chest in time with his hand in her hair. “Did you go to Charlotte’s and practice?”
“No. I gave the poor woman a break. I’m sure her ears are bleeding by now. And Alistair won’t be there again until tomorrow afternoon, so. . .” His shoulder shrugged beneath her.
“So, he’s really helped you, then?” She recalled the excitement in his voice when he’d called her Monday night to tell her about the retired pianist Charlotte had enlisted to give Edward some pointers. He hadn’t sounded that enthused since the night of her birthday, when he got to play in the blues club.
“I was surprised at how much I’ve gotten out of having a trained ear critique me. It’s been so long since I had that kind of feedback and constructive criticism. I’d forgotten how much I need it. I need someone to kind of get me out of my own head.”
“You? Stuck in your head? Get out,” Bella teased gently, raising up on one elbow to find his eyes in the darkness. They twinkled back at her in the dim light seeping around her dorm windows.
“Yeah. Imagine that,” he agreed with a laugh. “The guy has been a godsend, really. I don’t know how I can ever repay Charlotte.”
“But he’s doing this for free, right? Isn’t that what you told me? Because he was a friend of her husband.”
“Yeah. But I still feel like I owe them so much. I don’t know how to repay that kind of debt.”
“You don’t,” Bella told him. “Not in concrete terms. You repay them by putting their generosity to good use. By fulfilling the potential they see in you. And then someday you might be able to offer your own experience to help someone else. You know, pay it forward, down the line.”
He reached up and cradled her face in his hand for a moment, his thumb stroking her chin. “What would I do without you?”
She moved her hand to his jaw, mimicking his caress. “Let’s hope we never have to find out.”
He craned his neck up, pulling her to him in a string of reverent kisses. They settled into the pillows beneath them, limbs entwined, breath mingling into one, and let sleep take them.
.
.
.
The blue dress taunted her from its hanger in the closet.
I dare you to wear me.
She had no choice but to take the dare. The truth was, she had no other dress to wear to the cocktail party tonight. She wasn’t about to spend a lot of money on a brand new dress for an event she didn’t even feel like going to. Her afternoon hunt through the racks of several thrift stores had yielded nothing appropriate that fit her. By the time she’d fully realized her dilemma, it was too late to cancel her date, unless she wanted to be as big an asshole as Jackass James. And now Mike would be here in approximately twenty minutes.
Maybe she could fake illness. A migraine. Flu. The wave of nausea that hit her every time she thought of putting on the blue dress was close enough, right?
Why had she thought she could do it? Why had it not occurred to her that this silly blue dress had taken on sacred connotations as it hung in her closet for the past five weeks? It wasn’t just some dress she’d managed to snag from an end-of-season sale rack at Macy’s anymore.
It was the Deflowering Dress.
Everything about it screamed “Edward” to her. Just looking at it flooded her with memories. The way he’d moved the strap aside to cover her shoulder with kisses. The feel of his hands pulling up the silky skirt so he could caress her flesh beneath. The cool air against her skin when he unzipped the dress and pulled it over her head, freeing her in more ways than she ever dreamed were possible.
This was his dress.
But he was with someone else tonight. Another nameless, faceless girl about whom she would never know, because they never discussed his job anymore. He spared her that much. And she spared him the details of her time spent with other guys, as innocuous as they were. There was nothing to tell. And now that Edward was refusing sex to his clients, there was nothing else she needed to know, either, except that he loved her.
Her. Not the dress.
It was an inanimate thing, scraps of blue silk sewn together in a faraway land. It was inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. It couldn’t touch what was important, what was real, between her and Edward.
Steeling herself, she marched over to the closet and grabbed the dress off the hanger. She stepped into it, yanked it over her hips, pushed her arms through the straps and reached back to zip it up. There. Done. That wasn’t so hard.
The shoebox containing her platform heels lay at the bottom of the closet. She grabbed it and dumped the pumps unceremoniously on the floor, then shoved her right foot into the proper shoe. Her ankle wobbled slightly while her left toe maneuvered the other shoe into place. She took a few steps in them, getting her bearings; then reached for the silver jewelry she’d laid out on the edge of her dresser. She would not wear her grandmother’s earrings tonight. They would stay safely ensconced in the beautiful miniature jewelry box Edward had given her.
His birthday gift to her was a different story. She wore the charm bracelet every day, regardless of her attire. Tonight would be no different.
She took a deep breath and headed for the full-length mirror. Her hair was curled, her make-up was done. Nothing too outrageous, but presentable. She wanted to look nice. Not for Mike, really, but for herself. She was about to be surrounded by the types of girls who’d always intimidated her before. But Edward thought she was beautiful, and that was all that mattered.
She stared into the mirror now, trying to see what he saw. Wondering what was his first impression of her, wearing this dress, stepping over the threshold of that hotel room. She saw the same pale, dark-eyed waif she’d always seen, though perhaps she was more womanly now. She did seem to fill out the dress well enough, its slinky fabric enhancing her subtle curves. She grabbed her make-up bag and added a touch more lip color and blush, to liven up her ivory complexion. Then she hastily threw the cosmetics back in the bag before she crossed the line into clown territory.
A knock at the door made her jump unnecessarily, and she was surprised when a small wave of panic barreled through her. She suddenly felt naked in this relatively bare, body-skimming dress. Edward’s dress. She could not shake the notion no matter how she tried.
“Hey Bells, you ready?” came Mike’s affable voice through the door. It did little to soothe her.
“Yeah, just a minute,” she called. She sped to the closet as quickly as her pumps allowed, rifling through the hangers until she came to a cream-colored sweater crocheted in a lacy, open weave. Yes, that would help.
She pulled on the sweater and glanced back in the mirror. Skin and dress were still visible through the yarn, but she felt less exposed. She grabbed the little satin bag she’d found at the thrift store earlier and answered the door.
“Wow,” Mike blurted. His eyes bulged in their sockets as they looked her up and down. Apparently Edward wasn’t the only one who found her beautiful.
“You look amazing, Bella,” he said. The sincerity in his voice already made her feel bad, like she was leading him on, when she hadn’t even said a word to him yet.
“Thanks. So do you,” she replied automatically before glancing at his gray suit and pink silk tie.
“Takes a real man to wear pink,” he said with joking bravado, following her gaze.
“Indeed,” she agreed with a laugh. “I’m just sorry I don’t match.”
“That would be incredibly prom-like, wouldn’t it?” he noted, cringing slightly.
“Don’t remind me.”
“Hey, it wasn’t so bad. I have some fond memories of our prom,” he said, and his tone told her he meant it. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to take any trips down memory lane with him right now. Or ever.
He must have seen the sentiment in her eyes, because he quickly shifted gears. “But that was then, this is now. Upward and onward. You ready to have some fun?”
He raised the crook of his arm and gave her his most disarming smile. She couldn’t help but smile back. She wrapped her fingers loosely around his elbow and said, “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
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.
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Edward sighed, rang the doorbell of the Gamma Phi Beta house and waited. He hated sorority houses. He knew exactly what sort of scene he would be subjected to when one of the girls finally opened the door. He would find a gaggle of females preening in the living room, each more made-up and surgically enhanced than the last, waiting for their respective dates to arrive and escort them to the ball.
Or cocktail party, in this case.
He idly wondered what his date tonight looked like. It didn’t really matter. Big or small, short or tall, he would smile and find ways to make her feel special without flat-out lying to her. He still maintained his policy of honesty with his clients whenever possible. But the charade was getting harder every day, when every paid interaction with another female felt like a betrayal to Bella.
The heavy wooden door of the sorority finally opened. A heavily spray-tanned blonde in a lemon-colored dress greeted him with a wide smile and even wider eyes.
“Oh. My. God. You must be Edward Cullen,” she exclaimed.
His eyes narrowed slightly. He wondered what she meant. But he quickly affixed a gracious smile to his face and said, “You’re right. I must be. And you are. . . ?”
“Tiffany,” she replied, gaping at him for a couple more seconds. “Wow. She was not kidding,” she added under her breath as she stepped back and opened the door wider. “Come in,” she welcomed him, more loudly. “I’ll go get your date and tell her you’re here.”
“Thank you,” he said, stepping inside the door. He watched as Tiffany raced up the nearby staircase to the second floor. He stayed on the landing, preferring to steer clear of the group of girls gawking at him from the living room. He smiled politely, raised an eyebrow and waved; they stared, giggled and waved back.
He ignored their continued scrutiny and turned his attention back to the staircase, waiting. His eyes were soon affronted with a flash of hot pink satin and sequins as a bedroom door opened at the top of the stairs. He tried not to cringe as it became clear that the gaudily-attired girl gliding down the stairs was his date for the evening.
He searched for her face above the blinding fabric, but it was hard to get past the twin peaks of her breasts, pushed up by the bodice of her dress into an impressive mountain of flesh. He glossed over the ample cleavage and focused on her smile instead. It was impossible to miss, because her lips were painted the exact shade of hot pink as her outfit. Then the lips moved, speaking his name.
“Edward Cullen. You have no idea how happy I am to finally meet you.” She halted a few steps above him and grinned.
“The pleasure is all mine,” came his knee-jerk response, though her greeting had smacked of insincerity. His eyes found hers, seeking an explanation. Their gaze reminded him of Rosalie’s - icy blue, shrewd and calculating.
Her hand shot out then, diverting his attention. Did she really want a handshake? Or just some help getting down the rest of the stairs?
“Jessica Stanley,” she introduced herself. “But you can call me Jess, if you like.”
“What do you like?” he countered, taking her hand.
“I think I like you,” she said with a large, disingenuous smile. “Tonight’s going to be a blast, Edward. I can feel it. Or do prefer Ed?”
“I prefer Edward, Jessica,” he replied smoothly.
She let out a raucous laugh at that. “Oh, I definitely like you, Edward.” She grasped his hand to steady herself as she stepped down to the landing. “This is going to be a night to remember,” she declared. She laughed again for no apparent reason and headed for the door, pulling him along after her.
He grimaced as he followed her out of the house. He hoped this college cocktail party had a few drinks for the grown-ups. He had the feeling that by the end of this night, he’d be looking for a way to forget.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Chapter 42
Bella stared up at the paint swirls in the ceiling as she lay on the shag rug in Riley Biers’ dorm room. The patterns seemed to be moving - vibrating slightly, rolling into one another like waves in a gentle sea, or puffs of clouds across a pale sky. It reminded her of when she was a kid and she’d lie in the grass, staring into the blue, conjuring up identifiable shapes in the clouds.
“That’s so cool,” she said at last, to no one in particular. Riley, his semi-maybe girlfriend Bree, and Mike Newton were all in the vicinity, but she was aware of them only vaguely in her peripheral vision. To the left she could see Riley’s sneakered feet hanging off the edge of his tiny dorm bed; directly to her right were the spiky blond tips of Mike’s hair. The rest of his body was stretched out on the floor behind her.
“What’s cool?” he asked her.
“The ceiling. It’s . . . shimmering.”
Mike was silent for a full minute. “I don’t see it,” he finally admitted.
“I do,” Riley piped up. “Sorta. Maybe.”
Bree, lying next to him, began giggling.
“Riley, did you lace Bella’s joint with ‘shrooms or something?” Mike accused.
“No, man,” Riley responded with a laugh. “I didn’t want her to get sick like last time. That was brutal.”
“It was,” Bella agreed. She would have shuddered, but couldn’t quite manage it. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. As long as I stay away from the booze, I’m good.” She paused and closed her eyes. She imagined that the carpet beneath her was part of the cloud swirling above her, and she was floating, free and easy, through the atmosphere. “I’m really good, in fact.”
She heard Mike laugh. It sounded further away than just a couple of feet. Must be her cloud cocoon, muffling his voice.
“I’m glad you’re good,” he said. “But you’re also cut off for the rest of the night, just so you know.”
“That’s okay,” she said blithely. “I’m perfect just the way I am, here and now.”
“That you are,” he said softly. She heard shuffling noises next to her. She opened her eyes to find him sitting, cross-legged, in her line of vision now.
“I’m glad you could hang out with us tonight,” he told her. “I know it’s kind of low-key for a Saturday, but sometimes it’s nice to just chill.”
“Yeah. Chill,” she agreed, closing her eyes again.
“I’m surprised you’re not out with Suit Guy, though. Since it’s date night and all.”
The cloud surrounding Bella darkened slightly.
“Edward works a lot of nights. And weekends,” she said quietly. Her voice sounded muffled in the cloud now, too.
“Yeah? That sucks,” Mike said in commiseration, though she couldn’t imagine that he was sincere. “What does he do?”
The cloud began to swirl uneasily around her.
“He’s a musician,” she replied. She could barely hear her own voice now. Mike’s was even more muted.
“Musician,” he echoed in surprise. “Huh. I figured he was a lawyer or something. Showing up in a suit on a Friday night like he did.”
“He’s a classical musician.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, yeah, that makes sense.” He paused, and she let her eyes open a slit to peer sideways at him. He had his knees up now, hands clasped around them. He was studying his thumbs intently. He took a breath, and it felt as though he was sucking in her cloud, pulling her with it.
“So what about next Saturday? Will he be working then?”
The cloud grew turbulent, taking her stomach along for the ride.
“I’m sure he will.”
Mike let out a breath this time, and her cloud spun the other direction, making her stomach lurch again.
“Well, if you’re free, I’d still really love for you to come with me to that All-Greek Cocktail that I mentioned Monday night. Remember?” he added hesitantly.
The cloud engulfed her, dark and roiling, making it difficult for her to breathe.
“Did you ask Jessica? I still think she’d be a better choice. I’ll bet she’d really like to go with you.”
“She’s already going with someone else,” he informed her. “I thought about asking her, since it seemed like you weren’t that interested. But as soon as I brought up the party when I saw her the other day, she went off about this hot guy she was bringing. Said he’d blow everyone out of the water, whatever that means.”
From the corner of her eye, Bella saw him shrug before he continued.
“So anyway, Jess is spoken for. Which is fine by me, because I’d still rather take you. Just as friends, of course. No funny business,” he added, catching her wary glance in his direction. “I mean, if Suit Guy is gonna be busy anyway, why not come out and have some fun?”
Why not? Indeed. Suit Guy would definitely be busy. Until he walked away from escorting for good, he would always be occupied on a Saturday night. And she would always be looking for ways to pass the time, especially when Alice was working or on a date with Jasper. Last night Bella had joined some of the non-partying girls on her dorm floor for movie night in the lounge. Tonight she’d opted to get baked with the guy she’d spilled a drink on the last time she did party.
What about the rest of the nights? There was always her job at the bookstore. Homework. Studying. More movie nights in the dorm. More reefer while she stared at the fucking ceiling, trying to form a coherent thought.
Or, All-Greek Cocktail with Mike Newton.
When she spoke, her voice was as thin as air; light as mist. She wasn’t sure she’d even said the words out loud. They sounded far away, like they were struggling to pierce a thick fog.
“Why not?”
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Charlotte Rinehart did not bow her head when she prayed.
Instead, she gazed up at the stained glass window above the church altar. On rainy Sunday mornings such as this, its brilliant colors were muted by the dull gray light filtering through them, but the image of Christ with his arms outstretched was powerful all the same. It strengthened her faith. Reminded her that all things were possible through God.
She found herself praying for Edward again today. He’d been working his fingers to the bone on her Steinway for the past two weeks. She often had to urge him to take a break to get his mind off of the music, or remind him to eat. To her untrained ears, he was now playing his concert piece to perfection on a regular basis. But with five weeks left until the competition, she was afraid the combination of his perfectionism and self-doubt would end up being detrimental rather than beneficial to his performance.
She decided it was time for a professional to weigh in on the matter, so she’d called in a favor with an old friend of Peter’s. A retired symphony pianist, Alistair Brock might be able to give Edward some pointers, as well as keep his focus and self-confidence intact over the coming month. At the very least, he would provide a fresh set of ears to analyze the boy’s work. Her own had grown rather weary of hearing the same piece of music over and over. Surely Edward must be tired of playing it. She had the feeling he would welcome Alistair’s input, even though he protested that he didn’t want her to spend any more money on him. Maybe he’d be satisfied to know that Alistair would not put a price tag on the opportunity to mentor a talent such as Edward’s.
She would find out soon enough. She’d invited the older gentleman to visit the house during the younger’s rehearsal time tomorrow.
Charlotte smiled up at the glass window before her. Surely God would show mercy on a young man trying to remedy his mistakes and choose a different path in life - the path he was meant to take. Sometimes when Edward improvised at the piano, making up his own melodies, she imagined that angels were working through his fingers. The ethereal beauty of the chords he strung together delighted and often surprised her. She didn’t need to wonder what - or whom - was his muse. She was fairly certain she knew the answer. He’d as much as admitted that his turnaround was due to the arrival of Bella Swan in his life. He now had someone to fight for other than his ailing grandmother.
She only prayed that along the way, he would learn to fight for himself.
Pastor Tim’s sermon was uplifting on this gray Seattle morning, and Charlotte found herself in good spirits by the time the final hymn was sung. As much as she adored Edward’s company, she had to admit she was looking forward to a quiet afternoon alone at home. He had opted to take a day off from his rigorous practice schedule and spend it with the only male friend he’d ever mentioned, a young man named Emmett. She’d encouraged him to enjoy himself and give his overworked hands a break. She was afraid his incessant worrying would drive him to an early grave.
Charlotte rose from the pew after the pastor’s final benediction, then chatted with the other parishioners as they made their way down the aisle. The congregation usually gathered in the overflow room for refreshments after the service, and today was no different. But as she headed to the serving table at the back of the room, she spied a familiar-looking young woman reading the church bulletin board near the front entry. Her long, dark hair and uneasy stance reminded her of the girl who’d literally knocked her hat off a couple of weeks ago outside this very church.
The girl Pastor Tim had found out was named “Bella.”
Charlotte took a detour and approached the bulletin board instead. The girl appeared to be reading a notice about an upcoming fundraising event.
“Good morning,” she greeted her warmly. “It’s so nice to see you again. Were you here for the service today?”
The girl looked startled, but then her eyes registered recognition.
“Hi,” she replied. “I did come for the service today, actually. It was nice.”
“I’m so glad you enjoyed it,” Charlotte said. “I find Pastor Tim’s sermons to be quite uplifting. Not so preachy, as many ministers can be.”
The girl smiled. “Well, I don’t have much to compare with, but I agree. I like hearing him speak.”
“Well then, I hope to see you again next Sunday as well,” Charlotte said, then wondered if that was a touch pushy. She glanced at the notice the girl had been reading on the bulletin board. “Are you interested in joining us on the CROP Hunger Walk?” she asked.
“Yeah, maybe. I’ll have to check my work schedule. But it looks like a good way to pass a Sunday afternoon, walking to raise money for hunger relief.”
“Indeed, I can’t think of better use of one’s time. I have to take the short route these days, and it takes me longer to finish than I’d like to admit. But it’s not a race. People simply sponsor you for the distance walked. If you decide to participate, just put your name on the sign-up sheet. You can get a sponsor sheet from the pastor, or go online and print one off,” Charlotte explained.
“Thanks,” the girl said quietly. Goodness, but she was shy. And attractive in a very natural-looking way, her fair skin and dark eyes adorned with very little make-up. Could this be the same Bella who had captured Edward’s heart? She looked like the type of girl who could win over a man whose life experience had taught him to crave substance over style. Charlotte could see that the girl standing before her was as solid as they come.
“You’re welcome, dear. Would you like to join us for coffee or soda? You’ll find both at the table over there,” Charlotte offered, gesturing toward the refreshment table.
“Oh, no thank you. I can’t stay. I have to get to work. But it was nice to see you again.”
“The pleasure was mine. My name is Charlotte, by the way,” she introduced herself, holding out her hand. “Charlotte Rinehart.”
“I’m Bella,” the girl said, giving her hand a quick but firm shake. “Bella Swan.”
Charlotte felt a small thrill of satisfaction at the confirmation. It was not difficult for her to feign surprise instead.
“Bella Swan?” she repeated. “Do you, by any chance, know a young man by the name of Edward Cullen?”
The girl’s eyes snapped to attention. “Yeah, I do. He’s a good friend of mine.” She paused, her eyes narrowing. “How do you know him?”
Charlotte balked, realizing her blunder. She should have known Edward would never reveal the existence of an older woman - a Renaissance Escorts customer, no less - who was his benefactor.
“Oh, I’m an old family friend,” she fibbed breezily. “He sometimes uses my late husband’s piano for practice sessions. Lovely boy, and a genius behind the keys. I do hope he’ll make use of his talent in the professional realm some day soon.”
The girl nodded, her face relaxing a little. “That’s what he’s working toward.” Her cheeks colored slightly. “So . . . He’s mentioned me to you?”
Charlotte smiled warmly. “Yes, several times, only in the best terms. I do believe you might be behind his interest in returning to music. He let his grandmother’s illness deter him for too long.”
“It’s been hard on him,” she said, her brown eyes reflecting a shadow of the pain Charlotte saw in Edward’s eyes when he admitted what had happened.
“Yes, it has. Especially after that awful business the other day, during his last visit with her,” she sympathized. “I’m glad he has someone to help him through the hard times now. That makes all the difference in the world, you know.”
The girl’s cheeks flushed anew. “I hope so,” she said with a soft smile.
“I know so,” Charlotte assured her. Bella’s smile grew as she stared down at her own Keds-clad feet. Before the pause grew awkward, Charlotte bade her good-bye.
“Well, I won’t keep you if you must be getting off to work. It was such a pleasure to meet you, Bella. I do hope to see you again soon.”
She held out her hand and Bella took it, giving it a sold shake.
“It was nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Rinehart.”
Charlotte tried not to cringe at how positively ancient she felt at Bella’s words.
“Please, call me Charlotte. No need for formality between us.”
“Oh, okay,” the girl said sheepishly. “See you later, Charlotte.” She gave an awkward wave and turned to descend the steps toward the front door of the church.
“Take care, Bella.”
Charlotte felt a strange pang of some unnamed emotion as she watched Bella’s slender form exit the building. The love of Edward’s life now had a face and a figure to match the name. She was glad to discover another piece of the puzzle falling into place for him, painting a more complete picture for her in the process.
But she had to admit, in her heart of hearts, that her place in its periphery was bittersweet.
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“How do you like the black cod collar?” Edward asked from across the table. If Bella’s face was any indication, she liked it immensely. The ecstatic noises she made upon first taste were anything but subtle.
“It’s great. Really delicious,” she mumbled between bites. “And I’m not usually that big of a fish fan, but this is so . . .” she paused to find the right words. “Rich. Buttery.”
Edward smiled. “It is. Maneki’s makes the best sablefish in Seattle. I knew you’d like it. And Japanese food, for that matter.”
She eyed his smug face and said, “You know me well.”
“A little better every day. But you still surprise me sometimes.” He paused to take a sip of his sake. “Like the fact that you decided to get high again last night with that pothead and your ex. I was hoping you’d learned your lesson after the last time.”
Fuck. The judgment flew out of his mouth before he could stop it. He sounded like a disapproving older brother again. Or worse yet, her dad.
She eye-rolled him as if he was.
“I think it was the gallon of 190-proof grain alcohol that did me in last time,” she argued. “The pot itself relaxed me before I drank too much. It distracted me from wondering what you were doing that night.”
“Which was nothing, if you recall. And last night was more of the same - another class reunion. Strictly business.”
Bella raised a quizzical eyebrow. “And how did your date like that?”
Edward flinched slightly. She hadn’t liked it much at all, and he’d spent half the evening dodging her increasingly shameless advances. Luckily she was inebriated enough at the end of the night to be half-asleep by the time he deposited her in her hotel room.
“It doesn’t matter what whether or not she liked it. Nothing happened. Nothing ever will,” he reiterated, more firmly this time.
“’Doesn’t matter?’ I’ll bet Rosalie would disagree with that,” Bella said. Not to mention your client, she mentally added. She imagined how humiliated she would have felt that first night if he had rejected her sexual overtures.
“I told you, Rosalie is cutting me some slack until I can find legitimate work. She gets where I’m coming from because of her situation with Emmett. I’m sure that’s the only reason she didn’t fire me on the spot for getting involved with a client. Normally, that would be a deal breaker.”
“Right.” Bella speared another forkful of the delicacy on her plate, then chewed it thoughtfully. “But how much longer can she afford to risk disappointing her customers?”
Edward’s brows knitted. “I don’t know. A few more weeks is all I need, if everything goes well. I hope she can hang on until then. You, too,” he added, giving her a meaningful look.
She returned it with an exasperated sigh. “I really wish you’d tell me what’s happening in a few weeks. Do you have an audition or something?”
Edward hesitated, debating. He didn’t know why it was so hard for him to tell her about the piano competition. She’d just given him the perfect opportunity to admit the full truth, right now. He should bite the bullet and let her support him, no matter the outcome.
But when he opened his mouth, all that came out was, “Yeah. It is an audition, of sorts.”
“Really?” The smile that spread across her face warmed him to the marrow. “What kind of audition? For a little combo, or a big symphony, or what?”
He felt the usual aggravating anxiety gnaw at his gut. He shook his head and turned his attention to his fish, sawing into it with unnecessary vigor. “I don’t really know yet,” he said quietly. “I told you, I don’t want you to get your hopes up in case it doesn’t go anywhere.”
“Too late,” she informed him. “I already have my hopes up. Because I know that whatever you’re auditioning for, you’re doing to do great. There’s no way you won’t make it.”
Edward raised grateful, if slightly baffled, eyes to hers. “I love your faith in me.”
Bella frowned at the disbelief lingering in his voice. “Well, I’d love it if you had as much faith in yourself as I do.”
He gave her a wry smile. “I’m working on it.”
“Well, work harder,” she ordered. “Because even if you don’t succeed at the first audition, I know you will at the second, or third. Or twentieth. Whatever it takes. You’ve got too much talent to give up.” Her voice went from emphatic to pleading. “Besides, I couldn’t take it if you went back to being a full-service escort.”
“I won’t,” he said sharply. “You have my word on that. No matter what happens.”
“I know,” she said with a sigh. “I believe you, I really do. But it’s still hard for me sometimes. I guess I trust your clients about as much as you trust Mike and Riley.”
They studied each other soberly, eyes locked in another stalemate.
“Well, then, it’s a good thing we trust each other,” he said, and she nodded in agreement.
Neither of them could acknowledge the split-second of uncertainty that flashed between their eyes.
Edward took another long drink of sake while he searched for a more benign topic of conversation.
“So, did you do anything else fun this weekend?”
“Fun? Hmm. Well, I worked this afternoon, and yesterday I wrote a paper for Comparative Greek Literature. So, if you consider that fun, then my weekend was jam packed with it,” she said with a sardonic laugh, and Edward joined her.
“Oh! I almost forgot,” she exclaimed after a gulp of sake. “I went to church this morning, believe it or not, and I ended up meeting a friend of yours there.”
Edward looked up from his plate, startled. “You went to church?”
“Yeah, to the little, tan brick one near the dorms. I stepped inside it a couple of weeks ago to look at this huge, beautiful stained-glass window that’s in the sanctuary. The vibe was so peaceful, I thought I’d check out the service this morning. It was nice. The pastor has been blind since he was a kid, so it’s pretty inspirational to hear him speak. He has such a great attitude, you know? He talks about faith and hope like they come to him as naturally as breathing.”
“Huh. That’s great,” Edward commented awkwardly. Emily used to take him and Alice to Sunday school when they were kids, but he’d gotten out of the habit of attending church while he was in college. And now, considering the sins of his recent past, he knew he’d feel like a leper if he darkened the door of any place of worship.
“So, who did you meet there?” he asked. He couldn’t imagine what friend or acquaintance of his she would have come across.
“An older woman. Charlotte something - I forget her last name,” Bella admitted. “Does that ring a bell?”
Edward stared at her, his mouth slack with surprise. “Charlotte Rinehart?”
“Yeah! That’s it,” Bella said with a smile. “Is she a friend of your grandmother’s?”
He continued staring, numbness creeping through his joints. “Is that what she told you?”
“Well, no. I just assumed, by her age. She said she was a friend of the family.”
Something in Edward’s expression must have given him away, because Bella suddenly froze in place, fork halfway to her mouth. Her face contorted in dismay, then distaste, as the realization hit her.
“She’s not an old family friend, is she?” she whispered, putting her fork down.
“No.” He couldn’t manage to croak out anything else.
Bella slumped back in her chair. “Wow,” she said at last. So Charlotte had hired him, just like she had. She should have figured it out when the woman had called him “Cullen” instead of “Masen.” She tried to wrap her mind around the thought of Edward being with a woman old enough to be his mother. Or grandmother. The fish she’d eaten began to flop violently in her stomach.
Edward’s own supper squirmed at the sight of Bella’s stricken face. “Christ. You don’t think I slept with her, do you?”
“I don’t know. Did you?”
“No,” he insisted, the denial sounding more vehement than he intended. He took a calming breath and lowered his voice. “I was never intimate with her. It’s not like that between us. It never was. She hired me strictly for companionship. That’s all it’s ever been.”
The doubt lingering on Bella’s face made him want to pound his fists on the table in frustration.
“Charlotte and I are friends,” he explained, trying to stay calm. “She’s more like a mother to me than anything else. She’s a great lady.”
“I didn’t mean to imply she wasn’t,” Bella replied, slightly taken aback. “I liked her. She seemed really nice.”
“She is.” Edward grimaced, hating how defensive he sounded.
“She obviously cares about you a lot,” Bella added. She couldn’t help but wonder how much. Just because their relationship had remained platonic didn’t mean that Charlotte hadn’t secretly wished for more. Bella was still amazed at how oblivious Edward could be sometimes. He never quite comprehended how attractive he was to the opposite sex, age appropriate or not.
“She probably feels sorry for me,” he said with a bitter chuckle. “She’s letting me practice on her husband’s old piano until I can get one of my own.”
“She mentioned that, actually. So, is that where you’re rehearsing? For the mystery audition that may or may not be happening soon?”
“Yes,” he admitted. “It’s not a mystery. I’m just trying to get my chops back so someone will hire me. I’m probably making the poor woman deaf in the process.”
Bella was silent for a minute, picking at the last remnants of black cod on her plate. “I’m surprised she wants to help you like that. I mean, since she won’t be able to hire you anymore after you quit the business.”
“You and Alice,” he muttered under his breath, remembering his cousin’s remarks. He gave Bella the same reply he’d given her. “We’re friends. Friends help each other.” He could come up with no other reason why Charlotte would be so selfless.
Bella nodded, but he could see that she wasn’t wholly convinced. The shadow of suspicion lingered, causing her to gaze at her empty plate instead of him. What would it take for her to trust him? Every time he thought he’d earned it, something like this proved him wrong.
“I’m curious, though. What if Charlotte had hired me for more than friendship?” he asked her, playing devil’s advocate. The notion was absurd, and it sounded even more ludicrous when he said it out loud. But he had to know where Bella really stood when it came to dealing with his past misdeeds. “What if I had slept with her at some point, before I ever knew you?”
Bella balked before answering. “I don’t know. I’d like to say it wouldn’t make any difference, but I don’t know if that’s true. It probably would bother me. There would be a different kind of history between the two of you.”
Edward frowned slightly. “I guess I can understand that. But it still worries me a little,” he admitted. “I have an ugly past, Bella. I really want to leave it where it belongs. But if deep down, you resent me for it or hold it against me, then I think we’re going to have a hard time moving forward.”
Bella’s eyes flared in both panic and indignation. “I don’t resent you. How could I possibly hold your past against you? I’m part of it. I hired you, and we both know exactly why. Neither of us was looking for more, but we found it anyway. Or it found us.” Her eyes softened. “All I want to do is concentrate on that, and move forward with you. But yeah, I admit it’ll be a lot easier for me when that part of your past is really over, and you’re truly free.”
He nodded slowly. It always came back to this.
“Remember our discussion the night we met? About freedom?” he asked.
Bella thought back. “You told me that freedom always has a price.”
He nodded. “Well, I was wrong. It’s not a price you pay. It’s a privilege you fight for. And you’ve given me a reason to fight.”
Her smile was bittersweet. “I love that you feel that way about me. But I want you to fight for yourself, too. You need to want it for you, not just for me.”
"I want it for us,” he answered, reaching his hand across the table. “How’s that for a compromise?”
Bella reached out and took his hand, loving the strength she felt in his fingers grasping hers. She grasped back, hoping he’d feel the same strength in her.
“I’ll take it,” she said.
“That’s so cool,” she said at last, to no one in particular. Riley, his semi-maybe girlfriend Bree, and Mike Newton were all in the vicinity, but she was aware of them only vaguely in her peripheral vision. To the left she could see Riley’s sneakered feet hanging off the edge of his tiny dorm bed; directly to her right were the spiky blond tips of Mike’s hair. The rest of his body was stretched out on the floor behind her.
“What’s cool?” he asked her.
“The ceiling. It’s . . . shimmering.”
Mike was silent for a full minute. “I don’t see it,” he finally admitted.
“I do,” Riley piped up. “Sorta. Maybe.”
Bree, lying next to him, began giggling.
“Riley, did you lace Bella’s joint with ‘shrooms or something?” Mike accused.
“No, man,” Riley responded with a laugh. “I didn’t want her to get sick like last time. That was brutal.”
“It was,” Bella agreed. She would have shuddered, but couldn’t quite manage it. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. As long as I stay away from the booze, I’m good.” She paused and closed her eyes. She imagined that the carpet beneath her was part of the cloud swirling above her, and she was floating, free and easy, through the atmosphere. “I’m really good, in fact.”
She heard Mike laugh. It sounded further away than just a couple of feet. Must be her cloud cocoon, muffling his voice.
“I’m glad you’re good,” he said. “But you’re also cut off for the rest of the night, just so you know.”
“That’s okay,” she said blithely. “I’m perfect just the way I am, here and now.”
“That you are,” he said softly. She heard shuffling noises next to her. She opened her eyes to find him sitting, cross-legged, in her line of vision now.
“I’m glad you could hang out with us tonight,” he told her. “I know it’s kind of low-key for a Saturday, but sometimes it’s nice to just chill.”
“Yeah. Chill,” she agreed, closing her eyes again.
“I’m surprised you’re not out with Suit Guy, though. Since it’s date night and all.”
The cloud surrounding Bella darkened slightly.
“Edward works a lot of nights. And weekends,” she said quietly. Her voice sounded muffled in the cloud now, too.
“Yeah? That sucks,” Mike said in commiseration, though she couldn’t imagine that he was sincere. “What does he do?”
The cloud began to swirl uneasily around her.
“He’s a musician,” she replied. She could barely hear her own voice now. Mike’s was even more muted.
“Musician,” he echoed in surprise. “Huh. I figured he was a lawyer or something. Showing up in a suit on a Friday night like he did.”
“He’s a classical musician.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, yeah, that makes sense.” He paused, and she let her eyes open a slit to peer sideways at him. He had his knees up now, hands clasped around them. He was studying his thumbs intently. He took a breath, and it felt as though he was sucking in her cloud, pulling her with it.
“So what about next Saturday? Will he be working then?”
The cloud grew turbulent, taking her stomach along for the ride.
“I’m sure he will.”
Mike let out a breath this time, and her cloud spun the other direction, making her stomach lurch again.
“Well, if you’re free, I’d still really love for you to come with me to that All-Greek Cocktail that I mentioned Monday night. Remember?” he added hesitantly.
The cloud engulfed her, dark and roiling, making it difficult for her to breathe.
“Did you ask Jessica? I still think she’d be a better choice. I’ll bet she’d really like to go with you.”
“She’s already going with someone else,” he informed her. “I thought about asking her, since it seemed like you weren’t that interested. But as soon as I brought up the party when I saw her the other day, she went off about this hot guy she was bringing. Said he’d blow everyone out of the water, whatever that means.”
From the corner of her eye, Bella saw him shrug before he continued.
“So anyway, Jess is spoken for. Which is fine by me, because I’d still rather take you. Just as friends, of course. No funny business,” he added, catching her wary glance in his direction. “I mean, if Suit Guy is gonna be busy anyway, why not come out and have some fun?”
Why not? Indeed. Suit Guy would definitely be busy. Until he walked away from escorting for good, he would always be occupied on a Saturday night. And she would always be looking for ways to pass the time, especially when Alice was working or on a date with Jasper. Last night Bella had joined some of the non-partying girls on her dorm floor for movie night in the lounge. Tonight she’d opted to get baked with the guy she’d spilled a drink on the last time she did party.
What about the rest of the nights? There was always her job at the bookstore. Homework. Studying. More movie nights in the dorm. More reefer while she stared at the fucking ceiling, trying to form a coherent thought.
Or, All-Greek Cocktail with Mike Newton.
When she spoke, her voice was as thin as air; light as mist. She wasn’t sure she’d even said the words out loud. They sounded far away, like they were struggling to pierce a thick fog.
“Why not?”
.
.
.
Charlotte Rinehart did not bow her head when she prayed.
Instead, she gazed up at the stained glass window above the church altar. On rainy Sunday mornings such as this, its brilliant colors were muted by the dull gray light filtering through them, but the image of Christ with his arms outstretched was powerful all the same. It strengthened her faith. Reminded her that all things were possible through God.
She found herself praying for Edward again today. He’d been working his fingers to the bone on her Steinway for the past two weeks. She often had to urge him to take a break to get his mind off of the music, or remind him to eat. To her untrained ears, he was now playing his concert piece to perfection on a regular basis. But with five weeks left until the competition, she was afraid the combination of his perfectionism and self-doubt would end up being detrimental rather than beneficial to his performance.
She decided it was time for a professional to weigh in on the matter, so she’d called in a favor with an old friend of Peter’s. A retired symphony pianist, Alistair Brock might be able to give Edward some pointers, as well as keep his focus and self-confidence intact over the coming month. At the very least, he would provide a fresh set of ears to analyze the boy’s work. Her own had grown rather weary of hearing the same piece of music over and over. Surely Edward must be tired of playing it. She had the feeling he would welcome Alistair’s input, even though he protested that he didn’t want her to spend any more money on him. Maybe he’d be satisfied to know that Alistair would not put a price tag on the opportunity to mentor a talent such as Edward’s.
She would find out soon enough. She’d invited the older gentleman to visit the house during the younger’s rehearsal time tomorrow.
Charlotte smiled up at the glass window before her. Surely God would show mercy on a young man trying to remedy his mistakes and choose a different path in life - the path he was meant to take. Sometimes when Edward improvised at the piano, making up his own melodies, she imagined that angels were working through his fingers. The ethereal beauty of the chords he strung together delighted and often surprised her. She didn’t need to wonder what - or whom - was his muse. She was fairly certain she knew the answer. He’d as much as admitted that his turnaround was due to the arrival of Bella Swan in his life. He now had someone to fight for other than his ailing grandmother.
She only prayed that along the way, he would learn to fight for himself.
Pastor Tim’s sermon was uplifting on this gray Seattle morning, and Charlotte found herself in good spirits by the time the final hymn was sung. As much as she adored Edward’s company, she had to admit she was looking forward to a quiet afternoon alone at home. He had opted to take a day off from his rigorous practice schedule and spend it with the only male friend he’d ever mentioned, a young man named Emmett. She’d encouraged him to enjoy himself and give his overworked hands a break. She was afraid his incessant worrying would drive him to an early grave.
Charlotte rose from the pew after the pastor’s final benediction, then chatted with the other parishioners as they made their way down the aisle. The congregation usually gathered in the overflow room for refreshments after the service, and today was no different. But as she headed to the serving table at the back of the room, she spied a familiar-looking young woman reading the church bulletin board near the front entry. Her long, dark hair and uneasy stance reminded her of the girl who’d literally knocked her hat off a couple of weeks ago outside this very church.
The girl Pastor Tim had found out was named “Bella.”
Charlotte took a detour and approached the bulletin board instead. The girl appeared to be reading a notice about an upcoming fundraising event.
“Good morning,” she greeted her warmly. “It’s so nice to see you again. Were you here for the service today?”
The girl looked startled, but then her eyes registered recognition.
“Hi,” she replied. “I did come for the service today, actually. It was nice.”
“I’m so glad you enjoyed it,” Charlotte said. “I find Pastor Tim’s sermons to be quite uplifting. Not so preachy, as many ministers can be.”
The girl smiled. “Well, I don’t have much to compare with, but I agree. I like hearing him speak.”
“Well then, I hope to see you again next Sunday as well,” Charlotte said, then wondered if that was a touch pushy. She glanced at the notice the girl had been reading on the bulletin board. “Are you interested in joining us on the CROP Hunger Walk?” she asked.
“Yeah, maybe. I’ll have to check my work schedule. But it looks like a good way to pass a Sunday afternoon, walking to raise money for hunger relief.”
“Indeed, I can’t think of better use of one’s time. I have to take the short route these days, and it takes me longer to finish than I’d like to admit. But it’s not a race. People simply sponsor you for the distance walked. If you decide to participate, just put your name on the sign-up sheet. You can get a sponsor sheet from the pastor, or go online and print one off,” Charlotte explained.
“Thanks,” the girl said quietly. Goodness, but she was shy. And attractive in a very natural-looking way, her fair skin and dark eyes adorned with very little make-up. Could this be the same Bella who had captured Edward’s heart? She looked like the type of girl who could win over a man whose life experience had taught him to crave substance over style. Charlotte could see that the girl standing before her was as solid as they come.
“You’re welcome, dear. Would you like to join us for coffee or soda? You’ll find both at the table over there,” Charlotte offered, gesturing toward the refreshment table.
“Oh, no thank you. I can’t stay. I have to get to work. But it was nice to see you again.”
“The pleasure was mine. My name is Charlotte, by the way,” she introduced herself, holding out her hand. “Charlotte Rinehart.”
“I’m Bella,” the girl said, giving her hand a quick but firm shake. “Bella Swan.”
Charlotte felt a small thrill of satisfaction at the confirmation. It was not difficult for her to feign surprise instead.
“Bella Swan?” she repeated. “Do you, by any chance, know a young man by the name of Edward Cullen?”
The girl’s eyes snapped to attention. “Yeah, I do. He’s a good friend of mine.” She paused, her eyes narrowing. “How do you know him?”
Charlotte balked, realizing her blunder. She should have known Edward would never reveal the existence of an older woman - a Renaissance Escorts customer, no less - who was his benefactor.
“Oh, I’m an old family friend,” she fibbed breezily. “He sometimes uses my late husband’s piano for practice sessions. Lovely boy, and a genius behind the keys. I do hope he’ll make use of his talent in the professional realm some day soon.”
The girl nodded, her face relaxing a little. “That’s what he’s working toward.” Her cheeks colored slightly. “So . . . He’s mentioned me to you?”
Charlotte smiled warmly. “Yes, several times, only in the best terms. I do believe you might be behind his interest in returning to music. He let his grandmother’s illness deter him for too long.”
“It’s been hard on him,” she said, her brown eyes reflecting a shadow of the pain Charlotte saw in Edward’s eyes when he admitted what had happened.
“Yes, it has. Especially after that awful business the other day, during his last visit with her,” she sympathized. “I’m glad he has someone to help him through the hard times now. That makes all the difference in the world, you know.”
The girl’s cheeks flushed anew. “I hope so,” she said with a soft smile.
“I know so,” Charlotte assured her. Bella’s smile grew as she stared down at her own Keds-clad feet. Before the pause grew awkward, Charlotte bade her good-bye.
“Well, I won’t keep you if you must be getting off to work. It was such a pleasure to meet you, Bella. I do hope to see you again soon.”
She held out her hand and Bella took it, giving it a sold shake.
“It was nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Rinehart.”
Charlotte tried not to cringe at how positively ancient she felt at Bella’s words.
“Please, call me Charlotte. No need for formality between us.”
“Oh, okay,” the girl said sheepishly. “See you later, Charlotte.” She gave an awkward wave and turned to descend the steps toward the front door of the church.
“Take care, Bella.”
Charlotte felt a strange pang of some unnamed emotion as she watched Bella’s slender form exit the building. The love of Edward’s life now had a face and a figure to match the name. She was glad to discover another piece of the puzzle falling into place for him, painting a more complete picture for her in the process.
But she had to admit, in her heart of hearts, that her place in its periphery was bittersweet.
.
.
.
“How do you like the black cod collar?” Edward asked from across the table. If Bella’s face was any indication, she liked it immensely. The ecstatic noises she made upon first taste were anything but subtle.
“It’s great. Really delicious,” she mumbled between bites. “And I’m not usually that big of a fish fan, but this is so . . .” she paused to find the right words. “Rich. Buttery.”
Edward smiled. “It is. Maneki’s makes the best sablefish in Seattle. I knew you’d like it. And Japanese food, for that matter.”
She eyed his smug face and said, “You know me well.”
“A little better every day. But you still surprise me sometimes.” He paused to take a sip of his sake. “Like the fact that you decided to get high again last night with that pothead and your ex. I was hoping you’d learned your lesson after the last time.”
Fuck. The judgment flew out of his mouth before he could stop it. He sounded like a disapproving older brother again. Or worse yet, her dad.
She eye-rolled him as if he was.
“I think it was the gallon of 190-proof grain alcohol that did me in last time,” she argued. “The pot itself relaxed me before I drank too much. It distracted me from wondering what you were doing that night.”
“Which was nothing, if you recall. And last night was more of the same - another class reunion. Strictly business.”
Bella raised a quizzical eyebrow. “And how did your date like that?”
Edward flinched slightly. She hadn’t liked it much at all, and he’d spent half the evening dodging her increasingly shameless advances. Luckily she was inebriated enough at the end of the night to be half-asleep by the time he deposited her in her hotel room.
“It doesn’t matter what whether or not she liked it. Nothing happened. Nothing ever will,” he reiterated, more firmly this time.
“’Doesn’t matter?’ I’ll bet Rosalie would disagree with that,” Bella said. Not to mention your client, she mentally added. She imagined how humiliated she would have felt that first night if he had rejected her sexual overtures.
“I told you, Rosalie is cutting me some slack until I can find legitimate work. She gets where I’m coming from because of her situation with Emmett. I’m sure that’s the only reason she didn’t fire me on the spot for getting involved with a client. Normally, that would be a deal breaker.”
“Right.” Bella speared another forkful of the delicacy on her plate, then chewed it thoughtfully. “But how much longer can she afford to risk disappointing her customers?”
Edward’s brows knitted. “I don’t know. A few more weeks is all I need, if everything goes well. I hope she can hang on until then. You, too,” he added, giving her a meaningful look.
She returned it with an exasperated sigh. “I really wish you’d tell me what’s happening in a few weeks. Do you have an audition or something?”
Edward hesitated, debating. He didn’t know why it was so hard for him to tell her about the piano competition. She’d just given him the perfect opportunity to admit the full truth, right now. He should bite the bullet and let her support him, no matter the outcome.
But when he opened his mouth, all that came out was, “Yeah. It is an audition, of sorts.”
“Really?” The smile that spread across her face warmed him to the marrow. “What kind of audition? For a little combo, or a big symphony, or what?”
He felt the usual aggravating anxiety gnaw at his gut. He shook his head and turned his attention to his fish, sawing into it with unnecessary vigor. “I don’t really know yet,” he said quietly. “I told you, I don’t want you to get your hopes up in case it doesn’t go anywhere.”
“Too late,” she informed him. “I already have my hopes up. Because I know that whatever you’re auditioning for, you’re doing to do great. There’s no way you won’t make it.”
Edward raised grateful, if slightly baffled, eyes to hers. “I love your faith in me.”
Bella frowned at the disbelief lingering in his voice. “Well, I’d love it if you had as much faith in yourself as I do.”
He gave her a wry smile. “I’m working on it.”
“Well, work harder,” she ordered. “Because even if you don’t succeed at the first audition, I know you will at the second, or third. Or twentieth. Whatever it takes. You’ve got too much talent to give up.” Her voice went from emphatic to pleading. “Besides, I couldn’t take it if you went back to being a full-service escort.”
“I won’t,” he said sharply. “You have my word on that. No matter what happens.”
“I know,” she said with a sigh. “I believe you, I really do. But it’s still hard for me sometimes. I guess I trust your clients about as much as you trust Mike and Riley.”
They studied each other soberly, eyes locked in another stalemate.
“Well, then, it’s a good thing we trust each other,” he said, and she nodded in agreement.
Neither of them could acknowledge the split-second of uncertainty that flashed between their eyes.
Edward took another long drink of sake while he searched for a more benign topic of conversation.
“So, did you do anything else fun this weekend?”
“Fun? Hmm. Well, I worked this afternoon, and yesterday I wrote a paper for Comparative Greek Literature. So, if you consider that fun, then my weekend was jam packed with it,” she said with a sardonic laugh, and Edward joined her.
“Oh! I almost forgot,” she exclaimed after a gulp of sake. “I went to church this morning, believe it or not, and I ended up meeting a friend of yours there.”
Edward looked up from his plate, startled. “You went to church?”
“Yeah, to the little, tan brick one near the dorms. I stepped inside it a couple of weeks ago to look at this huge, beautiful stained-glass window that’s in the sanctuary. The vibe was so peaceful, I thought I’d check out the service this morning. It was nice. The pastor has been blind since he was a kid, so it’s pretty inspirational to hear him speak. He has such a great attitude, you know? He talks about faith and hope like they come to him as naturally as breathing.”
“Huh. That’s great,” Edward commented awkwardly. Emily used to take him and Alice to Sunday school when they were kids, but he’d gotten out of the habit of attending church while he was in college. And now, considering the sins of his recent past, he knew he’d feel like a leper if he darkened the door of any place of worship.
“So, who did you meet there?” he asked. He couldn’t imagine what friend or acquaintance of his she would have come across.
“An older woman. Charlotte something - I forget her last name,” Bella admitted. “Does that ring a bell?”
Edward stared at her, his mouth slack with surprise. “Charlotte Rinehart?”
“Yeah! That’s it,” Bella said with a smile. “Is she a friend of your grandmother’s?”
He continued staring, numbness creeping through his joints. “Is that what she told you?”
“Well, no. I just assumed, by her age. She said she was a friend of the family.”
Something in Edward’s expression must have given him away, because Bella suddenly froze in place, fork halfway to her mouth. Her face contorted in dismay, then distaste, as the realization hit her.
“She’s not an old family friend, is she?” she whispered, putting her fork down.
“No.” He couldn’t manage to croak out anything else.
Bella slumped back in her chair. “Wow,” she said at last. So Charlotte had hired him, just like she had. She should have figured it out when the woman had called him “Cullen” instead of “Masen.” She tried to wrap her mind around the thought of Edward being with a woman old enough to be his mother. Or grandmother. The fish she’d eaten began to flop violently in her stomach.
Edward’s own supper squirmed at the sight of Bella’s stricken face. “Christ. You don’t think I slept with her, do you?”
“I don’t know. Did you?”
“No,” he insisted, the denial sounding more vehement than he intended. He took a calming breath and lowered his voice. “I was never intimate with her. It’s not like that between us. It never was. She hired me strictly for companionship. That’s all it’s ever been.”
The doubt lingering on Bella’s face made him want to pound his fists on the table in frustration.
“Charlotte and I are friends,” he explained, trying to stay calm. “She’s more like a mother to me than anything else. She’s a great lady.”
“I didn’t mean to imply she wasn’t,” Bella replied, slightly taken aback. “I liked her. She seemed really nice.”
“She is.” Edward grimaced, hating how defensive he sounded.
“She obviously cares about you a lot,” Bella added. She couldn’t help but wonder how much. Just because their relationship had remained platonic didn’t mean that Charlotte hadn’t secretly wished for more. Bella was still amazed at how oblivious Edward could be sometimes. He never quite comprehended how attractive he was to the opposite sex, age appropriate or not.
“She probably feels sorry for me,” he said with a bitter chuckle. “She’s letting me practice on her husband’s old piano until I can get one of my own.”
“She mentioned that, actually. So, is that where you’re rehearsing? For the mystery audition that may or may not be happening soon?”
“Yes,” he admitted. “It’s not a mystery. I’m just trying to get my chops back so someone will hire me. I’m probably making the poor woman deaf in the process.”
Bella was silent for a minute, picking at the last remnants of black cod on her plate. “I’m surprised she wants to help you like that. I mean, since she won’t be able to hire you anymore after you quit the business.”
“You and Alice,” he muttered under his breath, remembering his cousin’s remarks. He gave Bella the same reply he’d given her. “We’re friends. Friends help each other.” He could come up with no other reason why Charlotte would be so selfless.
Bella nodded, but he could see that she wasn’t wholly convinced. The shadow of suspicion lingered, causing her to gaze at her empty plate instead of him. What would it take for her to trust him? Every time he thought he’d earned it, something like this proved him wrong.
“I’m curious, though. What if Charlotte had hired me for more than friendship?” he asked her, playing devil’s advocate. The notion was absurd, and it sounded even more ludicrous when he said it out loud. But he had to know where Bella really stood when it came to dealing with his past misdeeds. “What if I had slept with her at some point, before I ever knew you?”
Bella balked before answering. “I don’t know. I’d like to say it wouldn’t make any difference, but I don’t know if that’s true. It probably would bother me. There would be a different kind of history between the two of you.”
Edward frowned slightly. “I guess I can understand that. But it still worries me a little,” he admitted. “I have an ugly past, Bella. I really want to leave it where it belongs. But if deep down, you resent me for it or hold it against me, then I think we’re going to have a hard time moving forward.”
Bella’s eyes flared in both panic and indignation. “I don’t resent you. How could I possibly hold your past against you? I’m part of it. I hired you, and we both know exactly why. Neither of us was looking for more, but we found it anyway. Or it found us.” Her eyes softened. “All I want to do is concentrate on that, and move forward with you. But yeah, I admit it’ll be a lot easier for me when that part of your past is really over, and you’re truly free.”
He nodded slowly. It always came back to this.
“Remember our discussion the night we met? About freedom?” he asked.
Bella thought back. “You told me that freedom always has a price.”
He nodded. “Well, I was wrong. It’s not a price you pay. It’s a privilege you fight for. And you’ve given me a reason to fight.”
Her smile was bittersweet. “I love that you feel that way about me. But I want you to fight for yourself, too. You need to want it for you, not just for me.”
"I want it for us,” he answered, reaching his hand across the table. “How’s that for a compromise?”
Bella reached out and took his hand, loving the strength she felt in his fingers grasping hers. She grasped back, hoping he’d feel the same strength in her.
“I’ll take it,” she said.
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