Chapter 43

What an ass.

Bella’s mental assessment didn’t refer to the naked backside before her, but rather to the entire being to which it was attached. She couldn’t see the face of Jackass James and he couldn’t see hers. She didn’t have to try to ignore his leering gaze or inappropriate erection, if he was sporting one today. She was even happier that she didn’t have to draw them. The muscles of his back, hamstrings and glutes were much easier to recreate on paper without the distraction of his penetrating eyes, or other parts.

But, truth be told, he did have kind of a nice ass. She’d give him that. Only that.

As always, she ignored him during his post-class stroll to check out everyone’s interpretations of his naked form. Surprisingly, he ignored her, too. He merely nodded and raised an eyebrow at her when he passed her easel. But somehow his wordless look was just as lurid as his come-ons.

Her shudder of distaste was interrupted by the professor’s voice as he strode to the middle of the room to make an announcement.

“After reviewing your work last week, I’ve graded each of you and made a few comments on your progress so far. I’m an old man so I’ve done it the old-fashioned way.” He waved a stack of papers in explanation as the students gathered their drawing pads and pencils. “You may pick them up on your way out. Those of you who have earned A’s or A-minuses will have an opportunity to participate in a student exhibition in the Jacob Lawrence Gallery next month. If you have qualified, you’ll find another sheet attached to your grades, outlining how you may prepare and submit your work for consideration. If you have any further questions, see me.”

Bella’s heart picked up its pace a little. She hurried to get her supplies together so she could see her grades. Had she made the cut? Having her sketches displayed in the U-Dub Art School gallery would be an honor she’d never even considered before. But she was suddenly very excited at the prospect.

She hastily stored her supplies in the cubicles at the back of the room, then joined the queue to receive her grades. When the professor handed her two sheets of paper stapled together, she was so excited she barely heard him say, “Good job, Ms. Swan.” She beamed at the letter “A” at the top of the page, then skimmed over the comments about her skilled used of shading and the improvement she’d shown in the freedom and fluidity of her lines. The second sheet contained instructions for matting and displaying submissions for the exhibition. She was allowed to enter up to five sketches, but only two examples of each student’s work would be chosen.

She was so busy poring over the guidelines that she nearly ran into someone as she made her way out the door.

“Sorry,” she blurted before looking up.

“No apologies necessary,” came the smooth, innocuous voice of Jackass James. “You’re welcome to bump into me any time. Especially if you’re going to look that elated about it.”

“What?” she said weakly, only half paying attention. When she got the gist of his arrogant comment, her expression soured. “I made the cut,” she said, waving her grade sheet in explanation. “I get to submit my work for the student exhibit.”

“That’s great,” he replied, again sounding remarkably sincere. “I don’t know why you look so surprised, though. You’re easily one of the best artists in the class. Definitely better than anyone in the Monday-Wednesday group.”

“You model for that class, too?” She wanted to clap her hand over her mouth. Why was she engaging him in conversation? She began walking down the hall, hoping he wouldn’t follow. But now that she’d asked him a question, he fell in place beside her.

“Yeah. I model for all the morning Life Drawing classes. I have for a few years now. I find it very . . . freeing. Clears my head. Makes me keep my body in shape, too,” he added with a laugh.

“Hmm,” she mumbled noncommittally, trying not to make a face.

“The money doesn’t hurt, either,” he went on. “Although I don’t need it like I used to. Business is picking up for me lately,” he said with a grin.

Bella didn’t take the bait this time. She wasn’t interested in his line of work outside of being a nude model. Knowing him, he probably moonlighted as a male stripper.

“But enough about me,” he continued, unfazed. “Have you decided what to submit for the show? I’d be happy to help you pick out the best of your sketches. I know what the professors are looking for when they critique student art. I’ve certainly heard plenty of their comments over the years.”

Bella glanced up at him, trying to read behind his amiable expression. His offer appeared, and sounded, completely innocent. So why did she get the feeling it wasn’t?

“Thanks, but I think I’ll manage,” she said brusquely. She turned a corner and headed down the stairs, hoping to lose him, but he was right at her heels.

“Fair enough,” he said, zooming past her down the steps. He beat her to the double doors exiting the building and held one open for her. “Ladies first.”

She ignored his broad grin, giving him only a curt smile and a mumbled “Thanks” as she swept past him into the damp Seattle air.

“Are you busy right now? Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” he offered.

Geez. The guy was relentless. “No, thanks. I have another class to get to,” she lied. She actually had an hour or two to kill before meeting Alice for lunch, so she planned to go to the library to study. She certainly didn’t want him tagging along.

“May I walk you?” he asked, undeterred.

Seriously? She scrambled for another excuse. “I need to make a phone call, actually.” She shrugged out of her backpack, unzipped it and began fishing around for her phone.

James finally took the hint. “All right, then. See you next week.”

She tried not to sigh aloud in relief as he continued down the sidewalk without her. But then he turned suddenly and called, “Bella!”

She reluctantly looked up. He was still walking, but backwards now, facing her.

“Use the sketch you did today - the one of my ass. It’s one of your best.”

She returned his shit-eating grin with something resembling a sneer. He chuckled, looking quite pleased with her reaction. Then he waved, turned and sauntered away.

“Asshole,” she muttered to herself, pulling out her phone. She threw her backpack over her shoulder and speed-dialed Edward as she slowly walked in the direction of the library. As soon as she heard his voice, her acrimony toward James was forgotten. Excitement took over and she began talking a mile a minute, telling him about her inclusion in the student art show next month. When she finally stopped to take a breath, she heard him chuckling.

“That’s awesome news, Bella. But I don’t know why you’re so surprised. You’re incredibly talented.”

“That’s what James said,” she muttered. “I guess you can’t both be wrong.”

“Who’s James? Your professor?”

“Oh, no. He’s just the art model.”

“The same guy from before? Is he bothering you again?”

Bella hesitated. The guy had been nothing but polite lately. Well, until that last little remark before he left.

“No, not really,” she said casually, not wanting Edward to worry. “He keeps trying to make small talk after class but I try to ignore him.”

“Shit, Bella. Is there someone else in class you can walk with when you leave? I don’t want this asshole following you anywhere.”

She wondered if it was wrong to feel a tiny thrill at his over-protectiveness. “Relax. He isn’t following me. Just now I told him I was busy, and he left. No big deal.”

“What do you mean, you told him you were busy? Did he ask you out?”

“Just for a cup of coffee. I said no. He left me alone. End of story.”

She was met with silence for a few pregnant seconds.

“Fine,” Edward said, sounding defeated or frustrated, she wasn’t sure which. “Just promise me you’ll be careful. You said the guy hit on you the first day he saw you, and it sounds like he hasn’t given up.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m spoken for. I’ve seen the guy naked, and I’m not even tempted. What else do you want?” she joked.

He didn’t laugh. “I want you to be careful, like I said. Keep your dad’s pepper spray handy.”

“Oh my God,” she exclaimed. “I really think you’re overreacting. But you’ll be happy to know I have the pepper spray right here, in my backpack.”

“Good,” he said. Bella could picture the rigid line of his lips and the tiny crease between his brows as he said it.

“So, how’s Emily today?” she asked, hoping this would be a happier subject.

“Not so good,” he said quietly. “She thinks I’m her husband today. She keeps asking me to check on the baby, and then pats her belly and asks me what we should name our second child. I’m tempted to suggest ‘Elizabeth,’ just to see if that will trigger something. But I don’t want to set her off again. So I’m just going along with the charade for now. I’m hoping maybe she’ll be better this afternoon.”

“I’m sorry,” Bella said, her steps slowing as she heard the bad news. “I was hoping you’d have a better time than last week.”

“It’s okay. I’m pretty much used to her living in the past. Last week I got to see the best and worst of her. Usually her condition doesn’t go to both extremes in one day. I think that was harder to take than a day like today.”

“That’s good, I guess,” Bella conceded. “But still, it has to be hard when she doesn’t remember you at all, and imagines you’re someone else.”

He sighed. “It isn’t easy,” he admitted. “I’m starting to worry that her talk with me last week was her good-bye. Like she somehow knew she was slipping away, more and more, and she made an effort to say what she needed to say to me before it was too late.”

She heard the break in his voice at the end, and it broke her own heart a little bit.

“Hey, I have an idea. Alice is meeting me at the burger place again at noon. If you need a break, why don’t you join us? You can get away for a while, and maybe when you go back to see Emily, she’ll be a little better.”

“That’s tempting. We’ll see. If I don’t make it, though, you two have fun without me.”

“I’m sure we will. But it’ll be more fun if you’re there.”

He let out a rueful laugh. “I’m glad you think so. But I’m not sure I’m very good company today.”

“That’s okay. You’re always good company to me, no matter what mood you’re in.”

“I think you might be a little biased.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Good point,” he acknowledged. “I’m actually pretty grateful for your bias.”

“That goes both ways.” Bella paused as she neared her destination. “Well, I’ve arrived at the library. I think that’s my cue to get some reading done for my Greek lit class.”

“Okay. If I don’t see you at lunch, I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay. Love you,” she added softly as she entered the quiet building.

“I love you, too.”

Edward’s whispered words echoed in Bella’s ears while she looked for a secluded spot to sit. She wandered up to the second floor and found an empty cubicle, then settled in to read her next assignment. When she pulled out the book, the title nearly made her break the silence around her with a loud guffaw.

She managed to stifle her laughter but was still smiling as she turned to page one of The Golden Ass.

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“So you went from one ass to another. Classic,” Alice said with a grin. She dipped a steak fry into some ketchup and popped it in her mouth while Bella snorted at her remark. “Let’s just hope it’s not the theme for your entire day.”

“Right? This does not bode well for my shift at the bookstore tonight. Six hours,” she said with a groan. “Although the money comes in handy, that’s for sure.”

“I hear you. Sometimes I’m dead on my feet by the end of a weekend shift at Mama Gianna’s. But last summer’s tips paid for all my textbooks this semester, and a lot of times Sophia lets me eat for free, so. . .” Alice shrugged and washed down her fries with a gulp of soda. “Edward pays for all the essentials - utilities, property taxes, even part of my tuition. Not to mention all the nursing home fees for Em. The least I can do is pay for my own meals, clothes, and gas for the car. I’m looking into possible scholarships and increasing my student loan amount, too. I know I’ll need them when he quits escorting.”

Alice sounded remarkably matter-of-fact about her impending debt, as well as Edward’s plans.

“So, you think he’ll really do it soon?” she asked.

“What - quit hooking?”

Bella winced at her friend’s bluntness. “Yeah. I think I’m afraid to count on it really happening.”

“Well, don’t be,” Alice said. She pressed her lips together for a moment, willing herself not to spoil Edward’s surprise. “It’s only a matter of time before he’s out for good,” she finally said. “I know it. If one thing doesn’t work, another will.”

Bella nodded in relief. “You’re right. I’ve told him the same thing myself. I can’t believe a talent like his won’t get him a decent-paying job somewhere. I think he can make it work if he really wants to.”

“Absolutely,” Alice agreed emphatically, grabbing another fry. “And if we have to hire some financial wizard to help us figure out how to pay the bills, so be it. Edward can’t keep paying with his soul, you know? I’m so glad you came along when you did. You finally made him see the light before it was too late.”

Bella gave her a wan smile and took another bite of her Reuben sandwich. She certainly never imagined she could be anyone’s savior. But the beatific look Alice gave her said otherwise.

The girls were silent for a minute. Bella concentrated on her lunch, while Alice concentrated on her. Bella looked up to find the girl’s doe eyes piercing her through.

“I keep wondering about something, though,” Alice said. She swirled a French fry idly in her ketchup, not looking at Bella as she spoke. “What was in it for you? I mean, why did you hire my cousin in the first place?” She looked up apologetically. “I know it’s none of my business. But I don’t get it. It just doesn’t seem like you. Hiring an escort doesn’t seem like something you would do.”

Bella felt the faint flush of embarrassment spread over her face. “I think that’s why I did it. To prove something to myself, and to the guy who was trying to pressure me into sex when I thought he was my friend.” She cringed slightly, not wanting to relate the entire tale. “At least that’s what I thought when I made the appointment. But it was more about me, trying to figure out who I was. Who I wanted to be. Or who I thought I wanted to be, anyway.”

She let out a wry laugh at the confused look on Alice’s face. “I’m not sure I can explain it in a way that makes sense. I’m not sure it does make any sense.” She paused, the realization hitting her at the same time the words came. “I had this crazy idea that sex was the key to finally growing up. Getting past being an awkward teenager who never felt like I fit in anywhere. I thought I’d be transformed somehow, and emerge all confident and secure in myself, like a butterfly from a cocoon.”

Her laugh was genuine when she realized how ridiculous that sounded. “I was different afterward, but not in the way I thought I would be, and not because of the sex. It was because of what made the sex so good -- the connection between me and Edward. I never expected that. I never expected to find someone who really saw me, and wouldn’t let me hide behind my own self-consciousness. Someone who could break through my defenses and let me break through his.”

She paused, her eyes far away as she remembered. “It’s like we had no control over what was happening between us. Like it was this force that was stronger than we were. That’s what had been missing for me, that kept me from giving in to the guys before him. That feeling you can’t explain, because it just is. Or isn’t. He was the first. The only.”

Bella halted, startled that she had rambled on that way. Alice’s eyes were round with wonder, her half-eaten burger still in her hand, frozen inches from her mouth.

“That’s beautiful,” she said, her voice hushed. “That’s what I have with Jasper. I think.” She scowled and put down her sandwich. “No, I know. I know that’s what we have. We just need to express it fully. We still haven’t . . . done that. But I want to. I’ve been kind of nervous about it; I don’t know why. But I want whatever it is that you two have. That connection. I want to take it all the way, you know?”

Bella nodded. She did know. “Well, you’re lucky,” she said encouragingly. “You figured out the love part before the sex, instead of doing it backwards like Edward and I did. It should be amazing for you and Jasper.”

“I hope so. Was it for you? The first time?” Alice asked anxiously. “Spare me the details, though. This is my cousin we’re talking about here.”

Bella chuckled. “The first time was . . . indescribable. I’m not gonna lie - it hurt, the first couple of times. But I didn’t regret it. Not for a minute. Edward made that impossible.”

Alice nodded, her eyes dancing. “I know it will be incredible with Jasper, even if it’s not. If that makes sense.”

“It makes perfect sense,” Bella commiserated between munching French fries. “Just be safe. Edward would have a coronary if you turned up pregnant or something.”

“So would I!” Alice exclaimed. “I’m eighteen. Babies are not in my future, for another five years at least. Probably more.” She shuddered slightly.

“Mine either. Edward always has condoms, but I just went on the pill, too.”

“Jasper’s always packing the birth control, too,” Alice said with a laugh. “I think all guys do. Hope springs eternal. Their next lay might be around the corner.”

Bella’s chuckle was hollow. She never dreamed she’d fall in love with a man who actually got paid for what most guys were begging to give away for free. She glanced at the restaurant door in vain once more. Edward was obviously going to be a no-show.

“Are you expecting someone?” asked observant Alice.

“Well, I was hoping Edward might meet us for lunch. I talked to him earlier and he sounded kind of down. I suggested he take a break and meet us, but. . .”

Alice grimaced. “I know I should have gone with him to see Em again today, but I just couldn’t do it, Bella. I don’t know who that woman was last week. She never would have laid a hand on either of us. To see her attack Edward like that. . . I can’t take any more of that.”

“I understand. I know he does, too. He probably doesn’t want you to go through that again, anyway.”

“I know, and yet he puts himself through it, hoping he’ll get a glimpse of the woman she once was. He’s braver than I am.” Her words were heavy with shame.

“Maybe you could take Jasper with you some time,” Bella suggested. “I know he’d be there for you if you asked him.”

“I know he would, too. But I hate to burden him with that. And I’m afraid of upsetting Em. Or having her mistake him for her husband,” she added with a bitter laugh.

“No, that’s Edward’s role. For today, anyway,” Bella told her.

“Oh, God.” Alice’s eyes closed and her face went ashen. “If I didn’t have a test this afternoon, I swear I’d go over there right now. He must be in hell.”

“I know. I have class and then work, too. I just hope he’ll call me. He said he would.”

“I’ll call him after my test and see how he’s doing,” Alice promised.

Bella nodded and pushed her plate away. The last few bites of her sandwich had lost their appeal.

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The glow of Bella’s phone was no match for the brightly lit quad. One quick look told her that her only message was from Mike, no doubt checking once again to make sure she’d be ready at 7:30 p.m. on Saturday for the Greek cocktail party.

She didn’t bother to read it right now. She sighed and dropped the phone in her backpack as she trudged across the grass toward her dorm. Edward still hadn’t called, and neither had Alice. She fished for her keys as she neared the side door, the one closest to her single room at the end of the hall. She climbed the stairs to the third floor, her steps growing heavier with each flight. She was tired.

She unlocked the door to her wing and pushed it open with a weary shove of one shoulder. When she stepped forward, she nearly tripped over two outstretched legs across her path.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she exclaimed, stepping back before she kicked the stranger in the shins. Only this was no stranger. She recognized his long legs before her eyes darted to his beautiful, haunted face.

“Edward,” she exclaimed.

“Hey,” he said softly, gathering his legs under him to stand up. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“You didn’t,” she assured him as she looked up into his anxious eyes. “Are you okay?”

He nodded, though he didn’t really look okay. “I just needed to see you.”

She hurried to unlock the door to her room, then turned curious eyes back to his. “How did you get in?” The doors to each wing of the co-ed dorm were always locked.

“One of the girls on your hall let me in. Melissa, I think? She said you all watched movies together last Friday.”

“Oh, yeah,” Bella said. “She’s nice. I’m surprised she let you in, though.”

She threw her keys on the nearby desk, and her backpack on the chair. She could sense Edward right behind her before she felt his breath on her neck.

“I told her I was your boyfriend and that you were expecting me.”

His arms reached out to pull her close; she leaned back and let him envelop her.

“If you had called me, that would have been true.” She stroked his forearms and let her head fall against his chest. “But I don’t mind these kinds of surprises.”

He swayed with her, rocking her gently in his arms. It was a consoling gesture, but she had the feeling he was the one who needed comfort. He said nothing. He simply breathed heavily into her hair, his face pressed against the side of her head.

“You smell so good,” he sighed at last. She felt his arms tighten.

“Today was bad, wasn’t it?” she guessed in a quiet tone.

She thought she felt him nod into her hair.

“Did she know you at all?”

Edward took a deep breath and grasped her shoulders, turning her to face him. His hands immediately cradled her face; his eyes searched hers in quiet desperation.

“You know me,” he whispered.

She nodded, her eyes pooling with instant tears at his need.

“I know you.”

His lips were on hers then, seeking that knowledge, that confirmation. She gave it freely. The feeling she had tried to describe to Alice earlier overcame her, filling her to overflowing, carrying her away on its surging tide, in Edward’s arms.

He lifted her as if she weighed nothing and laid her in the narrow bed she’d left unmade this morning. He wordlessly undressed her, hungry eyes devouring every inch of her skin as he revealed it. He made speedy work of his own clothes and quickly covered her nakedness with his own.

The heat of his body seared her, branding her in ownership, melting her into part of him. And then he was a part of her, moving inside her, pushing deep, begging for acceptance. She met him eagerly, opening up, allowing his full penetration. Not of just her body, but her heart. Her soul.

They fused together with grunts and groans, the air around them filled with the quiet passion of rustling sheets, panting lungs and stroking skin. Each thrust was accompanied by Edward’s breath on her face, his escalating moans of ecstasy in her ears. It wasn’t long before he was close, and so was she. So close to that pinnacle of oneness that she nearly forgot reality. She wanted only to feel him come inside her, to fill her with that molten liquid that marked her as his, for all eternity.

“Edward, you have to pull out.”

Was that raspy voice hers? She wasn’t cognizant of forming the words, but there they were, puncturing the spell that bound them.

“What?” he grunted, eyes unfocused as his cock continued to drill her.

“I could get pregnant. I haven’t been on the pill long enough.”

His eyes were wild as he stared down at her. Then they squeezed shut, he pulled out and erupted, groaning as he covered her belly in streams of milky semen.

“Fuck. I’m sorry,” he began between heavy breaths. But she stopped him by pressing her fingers to his lips.

“Don’t. You know how I feel about those kinds of apologies.”

“But you didn’t come. I need you to,” he said, his voice plaintive. “I need you.”

She felt his fingers slide between her legs, revisiting the wet place he’d just left. She had no wish to argue with him. She simply gave in, sighing with pleasure as he pushed them inside, filling her and massaging her with just the right intensity to make her breath come fast and her hips dance in ecstasy. He supported himself on one forearm as he lay next to her, staring relentlessly at her face while he worked her into a frenzy with his other hand. She could feel him studying each wave of pleasure that contorted her features and wracked her body. And when she grabbed his neck with a cry, yanking his thick hair between her fingers at her moment of release, he merely smiled.

“That’s my girl,” he whispered, gently massaging the almost painfully sensitive flesh between her thighs as the shockwaves of her orgasm subsided. “My sweet girl.”

He smoothed her hair away from her damp brow and placed a single lingering kiss on her lips. Then he briefly left the bed in search of a towel to clean her up. His expression was sober as he wiped the damp fabric over her stomach.

“I can’t believe I was that careless,” he muttered.

“Don’t make a big deal out of this,” she begged. “Technically the pill should be working by now, but to be on the safe side, we should wait a month. That’s what the doctor told me.”

Edward let out a soft snort. “Is that the same quack who gave you the dildos and no condoms?”

“The same,” she said with a wry smile.

“Well, I actually agree with her this time. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.” He paused and gave her a meaningful look. “Thanks for saving me.”

“Us,” she corrected him softly. But she knew what he meant.

He left her again to wash out the towel in the sink. Her eyes lingered over his naked body, savoring his broad shoulders, tapering waist and muscular thighs. She was still amazed that this sexy creature was hers. She smiled at the perfectly round, white flesh of his buttocks. Now that was an ass she could fully appreciate.

“What are you smiling at?” he asked with a cocky grin of his own, glancing at her in the mirror as he hung up the towel to dry.

“I am smiling at your gorgeous ass. Now get it back in this bed immediately.”

He laughed as he sauntered back to her, his eyes crinkling up in the first sign of contentment she’d seen today.

“Scoot over. This bed wasn’t built for two.”

She dutifully made room for him, not caring that the bed’s confines necessitated that they curl up in one another’s arms.

“You aren’t leaving, are you?” she asked, watching him try in vain to stretch out in the cramped space. His feet pushed the covers down and hung over the end of the mattress.

“No. Unless you want me to,” he said, shooting her a worried glance.

“No way. I haven’t seen you since last Sunday, and I won’t see you again until this Sunday. I’m savoring every minute.” She buried her nose in his neck, inhaling his scent with a satisfied sigh. His chest shook with a silent chuckle as he pulled her close.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

They lay in silence, listening to each other’s breathing. Bella felt herself growing drowsy, lulled by the warmth of his skin and the rhythm of his chest rising and falling beneath her hand. She was reminded of the time he’d pushed her on the swings in the park, letting her fly back and forth, back and forth.

“We should go to the diner for breakfast tomorrow,” she suggested with a yawn. “I’ll let you push me on the swings again.”

“You’ll let me?” he said, repeating their dialogue from that day. She didn’t have to open her eyes. She could hear the smile in his voice. “I consider it a privilege.”

“You have to let me push you this time, too. That’s my only stipulation.”

“Push away.” He sounded more serious now. “I look forward to it.”

They were quiet once more. Bella was lulled once more by his hand softly stroking her head, but she resisted sleep. She didn’t want to waste her time with Edward by being unconscious.

“What did you do after you left the nursing home today?” she asked cautiously.

He stiffened slightly, but his fingers continued to comb through her hair. “I went for a run. Spent some time outdoors.”

“Did you go to Discovery Park again?”

She felt him nod. “Yeah. It was kind of drizzling outside, but it felt good. Cleared my head a little.”

She began stroking his chest in time with his hand in her hair. “Did you go to Charlotte’s and practice?”

“No. I gave the poor woman a break. I’m sure her ears are bleeding by now. And Alistair won’t be there again until tomorrow afternoon, so. . .” His shoulder shrugged beneath her.

“So, he’s really helped you, then?” She recalled the excitement in his voice when he’d called her Monday night to tell her about the retired pianist Charlotte had enlisted to give Edward some pointers. He hadn’t sounded that enthused since the night of her birthday, when he got to play in the blues club.

“I was surprised at how much I’ve gotten out of having a trained ear critique me. It’s been so long since I had that kind of feedback and constructive criticism. I’d forgotten how much I need it. I need someone to kind of get me out of my own head.”

“You? Stuck in your head? Get out,” Bella teased gently, raising up on one elbow to find his eyes in the darkness. They twinkled back at her in the dim light seeping around her dorm windows.

“Yeah. Imagine that,” he agreed with a laugh. “The guy has been a godsend, really. I don’t know how I can ever repay Charlotte.”

“But he’s doing this for free, right? Isn’t that what you told me? Because he was a friend of her husband.”

“Yeah. But I still feel like I owe them so much. I don’t know how to repay that kind of debt.”

“You don’t,” Bella told him. “Not in concrete terms. You repay them by putting their generosity to good use. By fulfilling the potential they see in you. And then someday you might be able to offer your own experience to help someone else. You know, pay it forward, down the line.”

He reached up and cradled her face in his hand for a moment, his thumb stroking her chin. “What would I do without you?”

She moved her hand to his jaw, mimicking his caress. “Let’s hope we never have to find out.”

He craned his neck up, pulling her to him in a string of reverent kisses. They settled into the pillows beneath them, limbs entwined, breath mingling into one, and let sleep take them.

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The blue dress taunted her from its hanger in the closet.

I dare you to wear me.

She had no choice but to take the dare. The truth was, she had no other dress to wear to the cocktail party tonight. She wasn’t about to spend a lot of money on a brand new dress for an event she didn’t even feel like going to. Her afternoon hunt through the racks of several thrift stores had yielded nothing appropriate that fit her. By the time she’d fully realized her dilemma, it was too late to cancel her date, unless she wanted to be as big an asshole as Jackass James. And now Mike would be here in approximately twenty minutes.

Maybe she could fake illness. A migraine. Flu. The wave of nausea that hit her every time she thought of putting on the blue dress was close enough, right?

Why had she thought she could do it? Why had it not occurred to her that this silly blue dress had taken on sacred connotations as it hung in her closet for the past five weeks? It wasn’t just some dress she’d managed to snag from an end-of-season sale rack at Macy’s anymore.

It was the Deflowering Dress.

Everything about it screamed “Edward” to her. Just looking at it flooded her with memories. The way he’d moved the strap aside to cover her shoulder with kisses. The feel of his hands pulling up the silky skirt so he could caress her flesh beneath. The cool air against her skin when he unzipped the dress and pulled it over her head, freeing her in more ways than she ever dreamed were possible.

This was his dress.

But he was with someone else tonight. Another nameless, faceless girl about whom she would never know, because they never discussed his job anymore. He spared her that much. And she spared him the details of her time spent with other guys, as innocuous as they were. There was nothing to tell. And now that Edward was refusing sex to his clients, there was nothing else she needed to know, either, except that he loved her.

Her. Not the dress.

It was an inanimate thing, scraps of blue silk sewn together in a faraway land. It was inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. It couldn’t touch what was important, what was real, between her and Edward.

Steeling herself, she marched over to the closet and grabbed the dress off the hanger. She stepped into it, yanked it over her hips, pushed her arms through the straps and reached back to zip it up. There. Done. That wasn’t so hard.

The shoebox containing her platform heels lay at the bottom of the closet. She grabbed it and dumped the pumps unceremoniously on the floor, then shoved her right foot into the proper shoe. Her ankle wobbled slightly while her left toe maneuvered the other shoe into place. She took a few steps in them, getting her bearings; then reached for the silver jewelry she’d laid out on the edge of her dresser. She would not wear her grandmother’s earrings tonight. They would stay safely ensconced in the beautiful miniature jewelry box Edward had given her.

His birthday gift to her was a different story. She wore the charm bracelet every day, regardless of her attire. Tonight would be no different.

She took a deep breath and headed for the full-length mirror. Her hair was curled, her make-up was done. Nothing too outrageous, but presentable. She wanted to look nice. Not for Mike, really, but for herself. She was about to be surrounded by the types of girls who’d always intimidated her before. But Edward thought she was beautiful, and that was all that mattered.

She stared into the mirror now, trying to see what he saw. Wondering what was his first impression of her, wearing this dress, stepping over the threshold of that hotel room. She saw the same pale, dark-eyed waif she’d always seen, though perhaps she was more womanly now. She did seem to fill out the dress well enough, its slinky fabric enhancing her subtle curves. She grabbed her make-up bag and added a touch more lip color and blush, to liven up her ivory complexion. Then she hastily threw the cosmetics back in the bag before she crossed the line into clown territory.

A knock at the door made her jump unnecessarily, and she was surprised when a small wave of panic barreled through her. She suddenly felt naked in this relatively bare, body-skimming dress. Edward’s dress. She could not shake the notion no matter how she tried.

“Hey Bells, you ready?” came Mike’s affable voice through the door. It did little to soothe her.

“Yeah, just a minute,” she called. She sped to the closet as quickly as her pumps allowed, rifling through the hangers until she came to a cream-colored sweater crocheted in a lacy, open weave. Yes, that would help.

She pulled on the sweater and glanced back in the mirror. Skin and dress were still visible through the yarn, but she felt less exposed. She grabbed the little satin bag she’d found at the thrift store earlier and answered the door.

“Wow,” Mike blurted. His eyes bulged in their sockets as they looked her up and down. Apparently Edward wasn’t the only one who found her beautiful.

“You look amazing, Bella,” he said. The sincerity in his voice already made her feel bad, like she was leading him on, when she hadn’t even said a word to him yet.

“Thanks. So do you,” she replied automatically before glancing at his gray suit and pink silk tie.

“Takes a real man to wear pink,” he said with joking bravado, following her gaze.

“Indeed,” she agreed with a laugh. “I’m just sorry I don’t match.”

“That would be incredibly prom-like, wouldn’t it?” he noted, cringing slightly.

“Don’t remind me.”

“Hey, it wasn’t so bad. I have some fond memories of our prom,” he said, and his tone told her he meant it. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to take any trips down memory lane with him right now. Or ever.

He must have seen the sentiment in her eyes, because he quickly shifted gears. “But that was then, this is now. Upward and onward. You ready to have some fun?”

He raised the crook of his arm and gave her his most disarming smile. She couldn’t help but smile back. She wrapped her fingers loosely around his elbow and said, “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

.

.

.

Edward sighed, rang the doorbell of the Gamma Phi Beta house and waited. He hated sorority houses. He knew exactly what sort of scene he would be subjected to when one of the girls finally opened the door. He would find a gaggle of females preening in the living room, each more made-up and surgically enhanced than the last, waiting for their respective dates to arrive and escort them to the ball.

Or cocktail party, in this case.

He idly wondered what his date tonight looked like. It didn’t really matter. Big or small, short or tall, he would smile and find ways to make her feel special without flat-out lying to her. He still maintained his policy of honesty with his clients whenever possible. But the charade was getting harder every day, when every paid interaction with another female felt like a betrayal to Bella.

The heavy wooden door of the sorority finally opened. A heavily spray-tanned blonde in a lemon-colored dress greeted him with a wide smile and even wider eyes.

“Oh. My. God. You must be Edward Cullen,” she exclaimed.

His eyes narrowed slightly. He wondered what she meant. But he quickly affixed a gracious smile to his face and said, “You’re right. I must be. And you are. . . ?”

“Tiffany,” she replied, gaping at him for a couple more seconds. “Wow. She was not kidding,” she added under her breath as she stepped back and opened the door wider. “Come in,” she welcomed him, more loudly. “I’ll go get your date and tell her you’re here.”

“Thank you,” he said, stepping inside the door. He watched as Tiffany raced up the nearby staircase to the second floor. He stayed on the landing, preferring to steer clear of the group of girls gawking at him from the living room. He smiled politely, raised an eyebrow and waved; they stared, giggled and waved back.

He ignored their continued scrutiny and turned his attention back to the staircase, waiting. His eyes were soon affronted with a flash of hot pink satin and sequins as a bedroom door opened at the top of the stairs. He tried not to cringe as it became clear that the gaudily-attired girl gliding down the stairs was his date for the evening.

He searched for her face above the blinding fabric, but it was hard to get past the twin peaks of her breasts, pushed up by the bodice of her dress into an impressive mountain of flesh. He glossed over the ample cleavage and focused on her smile instead. It was impossible to miss, because her lips were painted the exact shade of hot pink as her outfit. Then the lips moved, speaking his name.

“Edward Cullen. You have no idea how happy I am to finally meet you.” She halted a few steps above him and grinned.

“The pleasure is all mine,” came his knee-jerk response, though her greeting had smacked of insincerity. His eyes found hers, seeking an explanation. Their gaze reminded him of Rosalie’s - icy blue, shrewd and calculating.

Her hand shot out then, diverting his attention. Did she really want a handshake? Or just some help getting down the rest of the stairs?

“Jessica Stanley,” she introduced herself. “But you can call me Jess, if you like.”

“What do you like?” he countered, taking her hand.

“I think I like you,” she said with a large, disingenuous smile. “Tonight’s going to be a blast, Edward. I can feel it. Or do prefer Ed?”

“I prefer Edward, Jessica,” he replied smoothly.

She let out a raucous laugh at that. “Oh, I definitely like you, Edward.” She grasped his hand to steady herself as she stepped down to the landing. “This is going to be a night to remember,” she declared. She laughed again for no apparent reason and headed for the door, pulling him along after her.

He grimaced as he followed her out of the house. He hoped this college cocktail party had a few drinks for the grown-ups. He had the feeling that by the end of this night, he’d be looking for a way to forget.