Chapter 20

The sun was already warm this morning, but the breeze still cool on their skin. Edward admired the way Bella’s hair bounced softly in time with her gait as she led the way across the street to the park. She could feel his eyes on her, and she glanced back in time to catch his gaze wandering south. The resulting goose bumps that raced up her arms and down her back had nothing to do with the crisp air. When Edward caught up to her and placed a hand lightly on her tailbone, the tingles only spread and intensified.

“Are you cold?” His voice was anxious. “You can have my shirt.”

“No, I’m fine,” she assured him, stopping him short from removing the garment. She frowned when she realized she’d just blown a good opportunity to admire his body in only that thin, v-necked t-shirt.

As they passed the sandbox, Edward glanced at the boy and girl who still inhabited it, diligently building their castle with the aid of several plastic buckets and bits of tree branches.

“We need to make lots of windows for the princess to let her long hair down, so the prince can rescue her,” the girl said, carving niches in the side of what was apparently supposed to be a turret.

“And I’ll build a bridge over the moat so he has something to stand on while he fights off the fire-breathing dragons,” the boy added with relish, laying bundles of twigs over the deep ravine he’d carved at the base of their abode.

Bella chuckled at the children’s conversation as she and Edward walked on. “How cute is that? But he sounded way more interested in slaying dragons than actually rescuing the princess. Typical.”

“Maybe the male species is hardwired to crave a few challenges on the way to claiming the prize,” Edward suggested.

“Yeah? Well, I hope the female species isn’t hardwired to just sit around watching our hair grow, hoping that some prince will come along and save us from our boring existence. I’d like to think we’ve evolved a bit more than that.”

“You definitely have,” he agreed. “It’s us guys who are having trouble catching up. We’re not sure how to impress you if you have no use for our heroics anymore.”

Bella let out a laugh that sounded like music to him. “Well, lucky for you, we haven’t evolved that much. I’m pretty sure we still have a weak spot for a guy who’s willing to slay a dragon or two for us.”

He walked ahead of her as they neared the swing-set, then turned and backed slowly toward it, facing her. “So a guy who fights for what he wants is still sexy, then?”

Dear God. Bella wished she could pull out her phone and capture the way he was he was grinning down at her - the very picture of “sexy.” His big blue-green eyes were so sure and yet questioning at the same time that she wanted to throw herself on him and cover him with kisses until any trace of uncertainty had vanished.

“The sexiest,” she answered without hesitation.

His face relaxed into a cocky grin. “Too bad there are no dragons standing between us and these swings, then. I’d have you swooning by the time I cleared the way for us to sit on them.”

Dear. GOD. She really was nearly praying this time, for strength. And continued consciousness. Because if anyone could actually make her swoon, it was the smirk-a-licious man smirking down at her right now.

“Well, in the absence of any monsters standing between us, I’m afraid you’ll have to impress me some other way,” she challenged, edging closer to him, lifting her chin.

Sweet Jesus. It was Edward’s turn to appeal to a higher power. He’d thrown down the gauntlet, but she’d picked it up and tossed it right back at him. And that, to him, was the sexiest thing in the world.

He drew closer to her, his head dropping, one hand reaching around to the small of her back, the other closing gently around her chin. Their eyes locked, lips parted, breath caught. The longing between them was palpable. . . irresistible.

Which was exactly why Edward chose to resist it. When Bella’s eyes fluttered closed in preparation for his kiss, he spoke instead.

“Then I’ll just have to see how far I can push you,” he murmured, his lips brushing lightly against hers as he formed the words.

Her eyes fluttered back open, then narrowed in confusion.

“On the swings,” Edward clarified, giving her an angelic smile instead of a kiss.

With Herculean effort, he freed her from his embrace, took a step back and lifted one arm toward the swing-set behind them in invitation.

“Ladies first,” he insisted sweetly.

Bella’s mouth dropped open in disbelief before pressing closed in a bemused scowl. The self-satisfied smirk on Edward’s face now had a very different effect on her than it had a moment ago. She wished she had longer fingernails so she could scratch it off.

“You think you’re cute, don’t you?” she demanded, irritated that he was, in fact, annoyingly adorable at that moment.

“It doesn’t matter what I think. I’m only interested in your thoughts on the matter.”

“Oh, you’re cute, all right. Too cute for your own good.” She ignored his shit-eating grin and marched past him toward the middle swing, tossing her backpack aside before plopping her butt down on the sturdy slate-gray seat. The swing was an old-fashioned affair, suspended from a heavy metal base by long, thick, rusted chains. She grabbed one in each hand and gazed up at the support bar far above her head.

“This is an awesome swing-set,” she proclaimed. “This sucker will go really high.”

“That sounds like a challenge if I ever heard one,” Edward answered as he approached. He positioned himself behind her and grasped the swing’s seat on either side of Bella’s perfect posterior, easily pulling it with him as he took a few steps backward. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

She gripped the chains tightly and lifted her feet just in time for him to give the swing a hearty shove. She squealed a little as she flew forward, her hair billowing behind her like a superhero’s cape before blowing in her face when she flew right back to Edward’s waiting arms.

He easily caught the heavy seat of the swing in time to heft it forward again, and he laughed along with her as she took off. He tried to remember the last time he had pushed someone on a swing. He figured it must have been Alice, years ago, when she was little. But they never came here to play. Em never brought them back to this park. She had always taken them to places where they could make new memories instead of reliving the old.

But now he was beginning to think that his grandmother had it all wrong. As Edward propelled Bella higher and higher, making her laugh and whoop like a child again, he caught a strange sense of hope that he hadn’t felt in years. Joy was swiftly replacing the melancholy that usually seized him when he stared across the street at his childhood haunt through the haze of Mott’s grease-tinted windows. Bella had breathed new life into this place. It filled his lungs so full that he gave her an enormous push before expelling it with a loud laugh back into the summer air.

She shrieked and hung onto the chains for dear life as the swing rushed forward and soared into the sky. She flew so high that her butt left the seat and she hung, suspended in mid-air, for an agonizing second before slamming back down on the heavy plastic and taking the inevitable journey back to Edward.

“You almost knocked me off!” she cried as she plummeted backward.

“Sorry,” he called, cringing and bracing his hands to slow the contraption down rather than rocket her into the stratosphere again. “I got carried away.”

As she swung away from him, she leaned back, letting her head dangle upside down so that her long hair brushed the sandy ground below. “I forgive you. It was kind of fun.” She grinned over her shoulder as she swung back to him. “Scary, but fun.”

She had the feeling that she had just summed up their budding relationship, if that’s what it was, in three words.

Edward fell silent, watching her arc away from him and back again, over and over, in a repetitive cadence that became more disturbing the longer it went on. He found himself inwardly chanting come back each time she glided out of his grasp, and wanting to grab the swing to keep her with him each time she returned.

When she finally broke the silence, her voice was a welcome panacea. “Just so you know, you’re not the only one who was paying attention last weekend,” she began as he gave her another gentle push. She waited until she’d drifted back to him before she continued. “Your favorite color is burgundy,” - swing, return - “your favorite food is Italian,” - swing, return - “and you like playing classical music,” - swing, return - “but you love listening to the blues.”

He was done letting her escape then. He moved around to face her and stop her forward momentum, grabbing the heavy chains on either side to slow them down. She grinned up at his efforts and continued.

“You run your fingers through your hair when you’re nervous, and your nostrils flair in this really sexy way when you get mad. . . or you’re about to come.”

He grunted as he forced the swing to a standstill and stared down at her, his insides twisting in that way they did every time she confronted him with that blunt honesty.

“I’m guessing you have at least a dozen moles and freckles all over your torso, but it was too dark in the hotel bedroom for me to count them. They make me want to play connect-the-dots on your body, starting with the ones on your back. I’d trace them up to the little ones on your neck, and then down to this big one, right here, on your stomach.” She put her hand over his t-shirt and felt for the slight protrusion in the place she remembered.

“So you have a mole fetish,” Edward accused with the quirk of an eyebrow. “Kinky.”

“Only for you. You make moles sexy.” She couldn’t stop rubbing her hand over the soft cotton covering his belly. She wanted to pull it up and put her lips to his skin - taste that dark beauty mark, trace that trail of hair that led to the growing bulge in his faded pants. “You make everything sexy,” she concluded with a sigh. “It’s kind of annoying.”

He emitted a soft snort at that. His blood was percolating nicely now, warm and bubbling under his skin, making his dick throb and swell. Her eyes fell to glance at it tenting the fabric of his pants, and the tiny grin that stole over her face made him want to groan out loud in frustration.

“I lied last weekend when I told you I didn’t know what my favorite music was,” she said, gazing upward again as he bowed his head closer to hers. “It’s the sound of your voice. The tone. . . it’s like honey, or molasses. I can’t explain it.” She deliberated a moment, then finally admitted, “It’s the reason I left my earring in your overnight bag.”

Edward’s eyebrows reached for his hairline. “What? Are you telling me you planted that earring in my travel case?”

“Not exactly,” she hedged. “I really did find it in the side pocket after we ran into each other. But when I heard you talking on the phone in the other room, I couldn’t stand the thought of never hearing your voice again. And then I left my earring where it landed, so I’d have an excuse to see you again.”

The grin that stretched over Edward’s face felt like it was touching his earlobes.

“What’s that saying about great minds?”

“’Great minds trick alike,’ I think,” Bella joked.

“Well, I like that kind of trick. More of a treat, I’d say. Which reminds me. . .” He reached into the right front pocket of his jeans and procured a small jewelry box, then dropped dramatically to one knee before her.

“What are you doing?” she exclaimed as he held out his hand, offering her what resembled a tiny antique pill box encrusted with multi-colored jewels. She stared at it for an awkward moment, not understanding the gesture - a gesture that resembled a proposal far too closely for comfort.

“Come on, take it,” Edward urged with that irresistible smirk.

She reached out one wary hand to lift the miniature jewelry box from his palm, then gingerly opened it. There, nestled in a cushion of wine-colored velvet, was her missing diamond-and-pearl earring.

She exhaled in relief, and it almost sounded like a laugh. “Thanks. My grandma would kill me if I lost this.” She closed the hinged lid of the box and examined its exquisite inlaid gems - probably costume jewels, but definitely vintage and worth some money. “This is beautiful. It looks like a family heirloom itself. I can’t accept this.”

“Yes, you can.” He put his other knee to the ground to steady himself, then curled his hand around hers and watched the sun refract off of the rhinestones she held. “This was my grandmother’s. She has no use for it anymore. I thought you should have a special place to keep your grandmother’s earrings, so you don’t lose them. Of course, I didn’t know you were throwing them into strangers’ bags on purpose,” he added with a chuckle.

“You weren’t a stranger to me,” she corrected him with a meaningful look. Then she stared at the jewelry box once more, a film of tears forming at the significance of Edward’s gift. “This was Emily’s?”

He nodded, his own eyes threatening to tear up at the sight of hers. He looked down and closed her fingers around the box. “It’s yours now.”

She reached her free hand up to touch his face, willing him to look at her. “I’ll cherish it,” she promised. “Thank you.”

She lowered her face; he raised his. Their eyes caressed long before their lips did. When their mouths finally met, they both sighed at the contact and reveled in warm, shared breath before their lips resumed the caress.

“Ew, they’re kissing!” A young boy’s sounds of distaste wafted on the breeze to Edward’s and Bella’s ears, making them reluctantly break apart with a chuckle.

“Shut up, it’s romantic,” came a little girl’s retort. The couple on the swing glanced over at their much younger counterparts in the sandbox, which prompted the girl to hiss, “They heard you, stupid!”

“You’re stupid!” he shot back. “Kissing is stupid.”

The boy and girl were still arguing as Edward and Bella turned amused faces back to one another. “I told you he was all about the dragons,” she said with a knowing look.

Edward grinned and pulled her close to him again. “Give him a little time. He hasn’t realized yet that she’s already got him wrapped around her little finger.”

Bella reached for his face again, rubbing her thumb over the seeds of stubble sprouting around his lips. “So you think she’s got him whipped already?”

His grin spread wider. “He doesn’t stand a chance.”

She was grinning herself, giddily, happily. It was easy to pretend she was the only one in Edward’s world when he held her close like this. Easy to forget anyone or anything else existed.

Edward felt it, too, and it made him begin to ache inside. What would happen once they left this park? In only a few short minutes, it had once again become a source of bittersweet emotion for him. The world outside was about to pull him away from it, and from her.

He lifted his hands to her face, letting them take their fill of her soft skin. He sighed and focused sober eyes on hers.

“What are we doing here, Bella?”

She knew he didn’t mean the park, or the swing-set. Still, she answered, “Swinging.”

He couldn’t even snicker at the sexual implications, considering what he did for a living.

“That can be pretty dangerous,” he reminded her. “I almost pushed you too far.”

“Maybe I’m not into playing it safe.” Her attempt at bravado fell a little flat.

Their hands held each other’s faces, and they remained nose to nose, willing captives.

“It’s against the rules for me to see a client outside of work, you know,” he reminded her. “Of course, I know what you think of rules in general.”

She gave him a half-smile. “Fuck ‘em,” she said, and then kissed him again. He kissed her back, and it quickly bordered on dark and desperate despite the summer sun filtering through the trees above.

When they broke apart for air, she added, “How would Rosalie know, anyway? Did she have a chip implanted in your scalp so she can track you?”

“Not yet,” he replied, his quick grin fading. “I’m being serious here. This situation - it’s impossible. It’s. . . beneath you. I won’t ask you to - I can’t let you - get involved with me.” The words left a bitter taste in his mouth, and his lip twitched from the effort of spitting them out.

She gaped at him, brows knitted into a mask of disbelief. Her stomach churned with now-familiar panic at the thought of him walking away. One hand tightened around the jewelry box while the other gripped the hard edge of his jaw more firmly.

“You can’t let me?” she repeated, defiant tears pricking her eyes once more. “You don’t get to make that decision for me. I see whoever I like, whenever I like. I’m a big girl, Edward, whether you think so or not.”

“Not big enough to handle the reality of my life,” he argued with a shake of his head.

Bella ignored the grain of truth to his words and took a different tack. “You said that our time together meant something to you. We planted personal items with each other just so we’d have an excuse to see each other again. How can you walk away from that?” she entreated. Pain flashed through his eyes, and she latched onto it like a barnacle to the side of a sinking ship. “Maybe I won’t let you walk away. Maybe I can’t.”

Pain twisted his entire face now, his eyes pleading with hers. “Think about what you’re saying. Do you really think you can ignore what I do for a living? Honestly?”

Her lip trembled slightly and she clamped down on it with her teeth. “Honestly? I don’t know. A week ago I would have said, ‘Hell, no.’ Never in a million years when I hired you did I think I’d want to see you again. I mean, that was the whole point - we were supposed to be a one-time thing. But you were so different from how I thought you’d be. I never counted on that. I never counted on actually feeling something for you.”

His eyes reflected her own futile desire, and her hand slid around his neck to possess him, her fingers twisting and gripping the thick, short hair at his nape. “Once wasn’t enough,” she whispered. “I want more.”

And his mouth was on hers again, fierce and hungry and wanting; and she thrilled to the wanting, because it matched her own. His fingers wound in her hair as she clawed at his scalp, and her tongue tasted and swirled inside him, inviting him to do the same.

He groaned as he accepted the invitation. He thought vaguely that he should stop, because they were giving the sandbox children more of an education than they really needed right now; and because he couldn’t afford to want her a second time, and a third, and a hundredth.

But his hands weren’t listening to his brain. They skimmed over Bella’s shoulders and down her back, then grabbed her hips to pull her, and the swing, closer. Her legs parted like the sea so that her torso could meet his, and the contact made them sigh and clutch and kiss more fervently, until they heard a much different sound from the distant sandbox.

“Whoa!” The boy was definitely more interested in this display of affection. It sounded as if he might be changing his stance on the act of kissing. A slightly dazed and embarrassed Edward and Bella pulled away from each other then.

“Shit,” Edward mumbled, his hands grasping her face, stroking and yet holding her at a distance. “This is crazy, what you do to me.”

She tried to shake her head against the warm grip of his hands. “Not crazy. We found each other for a reason. I know it.” Her voice brimmed with determination. “I don’t know how this is going to work any better than you do. I’m just asking you not to close the door on us.”

Edward shook his own head, amazed at her volition. “Bella, you’re about to start classes next week. You’ll be busy with schoolwork, your job, dorm parties. . .” he trailed off as she grimaced. “You should be soaking up the whole college experience right now. Getting an education, growing up, having fun. Not wasting time on a guy who can’t do relationships.”

“Can’t, or won’t?” she asked pointedly. “What happened to that guy who just asked me if it was sexy to fight for what he wants?”

He flinched slightly. “Maybe he realized it’s a losing proposition for the girl he claims to be fighting for.”

“But you don’t know that. Things could change. You could -” Could what? Give up being an escort for me, was what she wanted to say. But how did she have any right to make that kind of demand? They’d only known each other a week. Neither of them had expected this to happen. It dawned on her that she was probably an unwelcome distraction in his life, and he might be trying to nip this in the bud before it got any more complicated.

She closed her eyes and exhaled, then opened them again. “I can’t promise you that I’m okay with our situation. I only know that I’m not okay with you disappearing on me. I just want to see you again. Talk to you. Text, email, whatever. Just don’t say good-bye.”

He stared at her plaintive expression and felt himself crumbling inside. He combed his hands gently through her tangled hair before letting them rest on her shoulders.

“I don’t think I could say good-bye to you if I wanted to.”

Her smile was small, but the victory felt huge. She didn’t know why, because she had no idea exactly what she’d won.

Edward grabbed the swing-set chains and began to pull himself upright, pausing to give Bella a gentle kiss on the forehead before standing and offering her his outstretched palm. “You have to go to work soon, right?”

She nodded in disappointment and took his hand, letting him help her up. They paused so she could retrieve her backpack, then walked hand in hand across the grass, past the tittering sandbox children, until they reached the street. Edward could see the unmistakable shape of her vintage truck down the block, and he led her in that direction, his fingers linked between hers.

They walked in silence, listening to the traffic on one side and birds chirping on the other. He let go of her hand only long enough for her to find her keys and open the truck door, then took it again in order to help her into the ancient iron cab. After she was seated, he looked down at her white hand, so small in his, and rubbed his thumb thoughtfully across her knuckles.

“I spent this whole week looking forward to the next time I’d see you,” he told her quietly, still staring at their hands entwined. “That doesn’t happen to me. Whatever this is between us - it doesn’t happen to me.”

He slowly raised his eyes to hers, uncertain sea to unwavering earth. “But it is happening. And I don’t know what to do about it. Part of me doesn’t want it. It would be so much easier if I didn’t. But the rest of me has never wanted anything so much in my life.”

He gazed into the dark depths of her expectant eyes, warm and waiting. Waiting for him to man up, to give her what she deserved. But when he opened his mouth again, he gave her only what he could afford.

“I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep. I don’t know where any of this can go, or what I could possibly have to offer you. But I can promise you that I won’t say good-bye.”

Cheap, he muttered darkly to himself. You can’t afford much for such a well-paid bastard, can you?

But Bella smiled as though he’d just handed her the world on a silver platter, and he couldn’t begin to fathom why. She leaned up toward him to receive his kiss, and he was only too willing to bestow it. He let go of her hand so he could capture her face instead, stroking her soft skin in accompaniment as he tasted her sweet mouth.

He pulled back, sighing in reluctance, but noting her own disappointed pout with satisfaction.

“I will see you again soon,” he told her emphatically, avoiding the horrible cliché, I’ll call you.

She only nodded and gave him that knowing grin of hers before she started the rumbling motor of the truck. He shut the door with a secure slam, but she rolled down the window a minute later.

“See you, Edward.” Her smile was that of the cat who ate the canary, just like last week.

Sputtering and wheezing, the truck changed gears, then trundled down the street with its precious cargo at the wheel. After the red monster was out of sight, Edward turned and walked back to his own sleek and silent vehicle. He unlocked it and fell unceremoniously into the low driver’s seat, then grunted in annoyance. The day planner he’d shoved in his back pocket was being smashed firmly into his right ass cheek by the leather bucket seat. He reached back and dug the appointment book out of his jeans, then flipped through it quickly out of habit, glancing inside the back cover to make sure his keepsake was still tucked securely there.

Except that it wasn’t.

It wasn’t there.

He stared at the empty black pocket for a moment, uncomprehending. Then he pulled the leather flap open, peering at its interior in case his lucky charm had somehow been squashed, accordion-like, into the corner.

But it wasn’t.

He flipped to the front, thinking that perhaps Bella had pulled it out to look at it, and then returned it to the wrong place. He found nothing but his lonely pen, tucked into another empty pocket of darkness.

He shook the book then, willing the fragile remembrance of his mother to magically appear, to slip out of the pages and flutter to his lap like a butterfly released from a cocoon. But it was no use.

Edward’s good luck charm was gone.